Tutto mio cuore Per sempre
by persempretj
Summary: Bella is picking up the pieces after her boyfriend Jake chooses to disappear, shattering her heart. She meets a random stranger at a coffee shop. Will she find real love and true hope for the first time? All human.
1. Chapter 1

"**What a freakin day" I thought to myself as I pulled into my favorite dunkin donuts café and parked the car. "Why the hell am I here?" I moaned out loud. I have a perfectly nice house, with a perfectly good internet connection, and even a fresh bag of DD coffee sitting on my perfectly good counter, and yet here I am, yet again, 2 weeks straight I've ended up here, laptop in hand. I hate admitting to myself that my boyfriend Jake has pushed me out of my own house…ok correction my EX boyfriend Jake has pushed me out of my own home, it just doesn't seem right being there without him. I hate him for that, that and a million other reasons. And yet, oddly enough hoping to hear from him is exactly why I'm here. "Maybe he's emailed, maybe I'll get an IM…maybe I'm an idiot, yes, that's definitely it, I'm a freaking idiot!!" I half thought, half mumbled as I opened the door and stepped inside.**

"**Large cinnamon spice, with two sugars please" I said, without even thinking about it to the barely put together girl behind the counter. My favorite coffee, my version of chocolate, on boring Tuesday nights when my real version of chocolate; a 12 pack of blue moon isn't deemed acceptable. The girl brought me my coffee, Jessica I think her name tag said, I paid and gave her a tip before finding my usual table. A quiet table in the back by the window is my favorite spot, there's almost never anyone sitting back here and when I'm disappointed by my empty email I can sit and watch the city traffic wondering where everyone is going. **

"**UGH!" I moaned to myself as I turned the corner and found a man sitting at the table next to mine! He lifted his head and looked my way as I threw myself into the chair like a spoiled 3 year old who didn't get her way. I threw a half hearted smile his way, my attempt at being polite and apologizing. He shouldn't have to suffer my bitterness!**

**I finally got all my stuff situated and begrudgingly opened my email "1 UNREAD MESSAGE" The butterflies immediately started. This was exactly what I had been waiting for…exactly what I had been dreading, here it comes, finally, the breakup…in email of course because he's a coward!! I clicked on the link nervously and read "WANT TO INCREASE YOUR SIZE? MAKE HER SCREAM!!! CLICK HERE!!" I couldn't help but laugh out loud, all of that anxiety over a penis enlargement spam email! I shook my head at myself and started watching the traffic. "All of these people had lives, they were all driving off to somewhere, driving home to their families. And here I sat pining over some stupid man who didn't just break up with me, no he left the country, left the country to go off to freakin WAR and didn't even tell me he was leaving, just POOF, he was gone" I thought bitterly to myself. **

**My idle daydreaming about all the random people's lives was brought to a frightening halt when "YAAHHHOOOOO" came booming from my computer. "HOLY SHIT" I yelled as I jumped and hit the mute button on my laptop. I had gotten a new email, and all the anxiety came right back. I quickly clicked on the link to find an email simply titled "hey" sent from Sam Black. "Why the hell is Jake's brother emailing me?? Oh god I hope Jake's ok" I started to panic!**

"**Hey Bella, I just wanted to drop you a quick note. We heard from Jake today. He made it to Afghanistan safely, and asked me to get you his APO. I hope you're doing well. I know things weren't the best when Jake left, but he's doing well. Take care! Email us back soon and let us know how you are, I'll let you know if the address changes"**

**Sam"**

"**He had his damn brother email me?! WHO DOES THAT?!" I screamed in my head, slammed my laptop closed, and began watching the traffic again trying to fight back the tears quickly filling my eyes.**

**I had been sitting, thinking for a while when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the guy sitting at the next table was looking at me, I turned my head and caught his eyes for a minute. He looked away quickly obviously embarrassed that I had caught him looking. I hadn't noticed before, but he was actually kinda cute. Not in a conventional way really, more in the punk rocker, bad boy kinda way. Totally my type, and yet somehow the type I never dated. I have a thing for tattoos, and he had plenty of them. He had short bronze hair, a bit longer than the usual military cut you find in this town, and the most gorgeous green eyes. I found myself completely engrossed in studying him…his tattoos, wondering what they meant, why he decided to get them. Figuring he was one of the "green people", that's my clever nick name for all the army guys around here, but maybe not, he didn't look like the typical soldier. He looked over out of the corner of his eye a couple times, probably wondering why the crazy chick who kept laughing and talking to herself wouldn't stop staring at him. I also noticed the star bucks cup he was holding "weird" I thought to myself, and then began watching traffic again.**

**The passing cars didn't hold my attention for long, and I found myself studying him again, and decided I needed to talk to him.**

"**That's blasphemy you know?" I said casually, barely looking at him.**

"**Uh…huh?" He said confused looking at me and away quickly. "aww he's shy" I smiled to myself, a very rare find in a town filled with overly obnoxious, overly eager soldiers!**

"**A star bucks coffee in a DD, that's a sin, they should probably throw you out" I said very seriously, but smiling.**

"**Oh, the internet was down at star bucks so I had to come and slum it here" he smiled back.**

"**WOW, they definitely need to get you out of here, I'm getting the manager" I joked. "What's your name?" I blurted out.**

"**Oh, I'm uh Edward" he fumbled. He was obviously nervous talking to me "too freakin cute" I thought smiling.**

"**Well, nice to meet you Edward, I'm Bella" I replied.**

**He just smiled back. **

**We fell back into silence, him back into whatever he was watching on his screen and instead of the traffic I started watching, the girl behind the counter interact with her cute coworker. It was kinda funny watching her obviously flirt and him be completely oblivious to it. Maybe he was trying to flirt too, I really couldn't tell. But truth be told, I wasn't paying enough attention to know, this man beside me had me completely curious. He hadn't even shown a sign of flirting with me, didn't use any cheesy lines or even ask me for my number. I'm not totally full of myself, but like I said this town is full over OVERLY eager soldiers, so getting shamelessly hit on is just kind of normal. I couldn't pull myself away from watching him, wondering where he was from, what was keeping his attention so intently, my eyes again finding the tattoos covering arms, and then wondering back up to his gorgeous eyes and then to his messy bronze hair. Yes, he was definitely attractive, how could I have not noticed before??? "I should talk to him more" I decided in my head.**

"**So are you in the army?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.**

"**Oh umm, yeah, well sort of" He answered seeming a bit shocked.**

"**Hmmm" I muttered automatically.**

"**What's hmmm for?"**

"**How exactly can you be "sort" of in the army?"**

"**Well, I'm not exactly a HOOAH let's go kind of guy, I'm really not sure what made me enlist in the first place, I guess it was the money. And they've pretty much screwed me out of everything they promised, and then broke me in about 5 different ways so yeah I'm sort of in the army cause I'm just here waiting to ETS" He replied, obviously bitter with the army and then returned his eyes back to his screen. I couldn't tell if he was annoyed with my chatter or just still shy.**

"**So where are you gonna go and what are ya gonna do after the army?" I asked not sure if I was prying too much.**

**He smiled "Back home to Maryland" He was silent for a minute before he continued "Back where people are normal, there are actually seasons to the weather, where I can do all the things I love, back to my friends and everyone I care about"…"I can't wait to get our of here" he finished almost to himself. "I'm not completely sure what I'll do, maybe music, maybe some computer stuff, maybe some tattooing, or I guess if all that falls through, I guess I could always turn back to selling drugs on the playgrounds" he said with an amazing crooked smile. I couldn't help but laugh, even though that was a horrible joke. I couldn't not smile back at that grin.**

"**Oh I definitely vote corrupting young children, why work hard, when lunch money is just sitting in their pockets, practically begging for you to take it…definitely that'd be my choice" I answered casually, not able to completely hide my smile.**

**He laughed, a smooth laugh "You're funny Bella."**

"**Well, duh, just one of my many charms" I joked back.**

"**Oh wow, it's getting late, I gotta get going. I'll see you around" He said getting up and packing up his things.**

**I was a bit shocked, and even a little annoyed, but most of all disappointed. I didn't want him to leave yet. He was the first person who had really made me laugh in over 2 weeks, and for the first time since he left, I hadn't spent the whole night wallowing over Jake disappearing.**

"**Oh umm yeah, I should probably head home soon as well, it was nice to meet you Edward" I smiled…"shockingly nice, like breathing again after being stuck under water for too long, like the sun coming out from the clouds after days of rain" but I kept those thoughts to myself, no need to present myself as a creeper just yet!**

**I watched him pick up his things and walk towards the door, just before walking out he looked back and gave me the crooked grin again. Seeing that grin made my heart pick up and I even got a little fidgety, I waved awkwardly, completely caught off guard by my odd reaction. "weird" I thought to myself as I began to gather up my own things.**


	2. Chapter 2

The fifteen minute drive home was quiet…boring, I couldn't even bother to turn on the radio. Finally, I turned down my street, and then parked in front of my garage, turned off the engine, and just stared at my front door lit up by the porch light. I didn't want to go inside, I wanted to turn right around, go get another coffee, go watch a movie, maybe go to the bar and just drink it all out, maybe head onto Fort Campbell and find my new green eyed punk rocker, I smiled at that thought. Anything except for walk into that house. I don't know why Jake disappearing made my house seem so unbearable, there really wasn't much of him left, he did a very good job of slowly and invisibly clearing his things out in our weeks of being "just friends" before he left. But the pillows on my bed still smelled like him, I couldn't bring myself to wash them…gross, I know! His favorite DVD was still in the DVD player, there was still half a 12 pack of his crappy miller lite in my fridge. All the tiny things, that almost no one else would even notice, but they were huge for me and they made going home my own personal hell.

I couldn't put it off any longer, Hendrix would be waiting for me to let him out and feed him. He's my 6 year old rottweiler, and pathetically enough, the only man in my life who's ever been completely loyal, and so I couldn't let him down. I slipped out of the car, walked down the sidewalk, and let out one sigh before walking in the door. Always reliable, there Hendrix was with his little nub wagging excitedly, and shifting his weight back and forth. How could I not love this guy?? I bent down and grabbed him into a big hug "I missed you baby!! Need to go pee?" I asked heading to the back door, he ran behind me, whimpering a little, obviously I needed to start making it home a bit earlier, 7am-9pm had to be a long day for him stuck inside. I fill Hendrix's food bowl and loaded the dishwasher before letting him back inside to eat. While he ate, I changed into some Pjs and pulled my hair up before. Finally finding my way back to the living room, I dropped into the couch, Hendrix cuddled up beside me. "Well, why not torture myself just a little more" I thought to myself as I turned on Jake's movie.

"JAKKE NOOO!!!" I woke up screaming, almost throwing myself off the couch. I must have fallen asleep here last night. I sat down, and put my head in my hands, trying to wipe away my horrible nightmare of my Jake in Afghanistan. Hendrix started nudging my hands, obviously wondering if I had completely lost my mind. I shook my head and looked around trying to find the clock, and then sighed with relief. For the first time ever, I was thrilled that it was time to get up, that dream was nothing I wanted to go back to! I let Hendrix outside and went to get ready for the day.

Coffee in hand, I was rushing out the door trying to make up for the 15 minutes I was running behind. Then I realized I was neglecting the only guy who never let me down, so I quickly ran to the kitchen and dug in the pantry for a rawhide, I gave it Hendrix, hugged him and promised to make it home earlier tonight. He gave my face a slobbery lick and then headed for his pillow in the corner to enjoy his bone. I ran out the door wiping the drool off my face and cursing myself for being late again!

This day had to be God's idea of a joke. I thought to myself as I walked out the bank's door heading to my car. In one single day, I got a flat tire on my way already late to work, my pen exploded on my white shirt, smacked my head off my desk, stubbed my toe on the corner of my desk, got screamed at by about 10 obnoxious and irate bank customers, made a coworker cry because she didn't get my sarcasm, and then almost got fired for screaming back at one of the previously mentioned obnoxious customers.

I quickly got into my car, started and took off, anxious to have my horrid day behind me. I hadn't even thought about it, and I was turning into DD. I jumped out of the car and started inside, this hopeful giddy feeling completely taking over. "Whoa, what the heck is this" I asked myself confused. I wasn't here because I wanted coffee, I wasn't even here to torture myself with the disappointment over not hearing from Jake. I was here hoping he'd be here. Hoping for another conversation with Edward.

I stepped inside and to the counter and cheerfully asked for my favorite. I made an extra attempt to be polite to…umm…Jessica, I'm sure I had been incredibly rude the past two weeks in all of my sulking.

"How are you today Jessica?" I asked smiling

"Oh, I'm doing alright thanks" She smiled back trying to hide how shocked she was. Yes, obviously I had been very rude before!

She brought me my coffee and smiled, and I realized that she was actually very pretty and also wasn't poorly put together but rather she was just unique and didn't seem to care what anyone else thought of her, well anyone but Mike, that was the coworkers name, I finally bothered to read his nametag. Jessica was standing against the counter watching his every move.

"You should really tell him you like him, I bet he feels the same" I suggested to her with a wink. She looked like she was ready to fall over, probably dying at the realization that her crush on Mike was so obvious! I walked happily through the café and then practically bounced around the corner, trying my best to hide my excitement, and also to make sense of it. I'm not this girl, I don't get giddy over men. I don't chase after them, and I certainly don't go places just in hopes of seeing them. I guess a broken heart makes you do crazy things! Whatever it was, it didn't matter, I was just thrilled to get to talk to him again.

All my hopefulness and excitement came crashing down around me when I bounced around the corner to find my table surrounded by absolutely no one. Three days ago I would have been thrilled, I wanted nothing more than to sulk in complete privacy, but today it made my heart ache. I had been completely counting on those green eyes and crooked smiles, I hadn't even considered that maybe I had made no impression on him at all. He probably walked out the door last night and never gave me a second thought, I was just some nosey girl who may be a little crazy. I bet he was sitting across the street at star bucks enjoying his nasty coffee, and relieved to not be "slumming" it with the likes of us lowly DD folks. Oh well! I sadly thought and shrugged to myself.

I practically had to drag myself across the floor to my usual table. I sighed again as I dumped my things on the table, and looked out the window. At least traffic was heavy this afternoon, lots of random subjects for my mind to fantasize about. I pulled out the chair to throw myself down, and almost fell as tried to avoid sitting on the cup that had been left in the chair. "people are so damn rude, can't even get their lazy asses up and throw away their trash" I mumbled finally stabilizing myself and reaching for the cup.

My eyes almost popped out when I realized it wasn't just any cup sitting in my chair, it was a star bucks cup and there was a post-it attached. I quickly grabbed the cup, slid into the chair and grabbed the note.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm very much hoping you find this before it gets tossed. I'll be in later, I've got some errands to run, take a minute and enjoy some real coffee, and I hope to get to enjoy your conversation again. If not, I suppose I could always head to the playground and start my post army career early. Please think of those poor children. __J_

_Edward._

I'm not sure anyone has ever smiled as huge as I was in that moment. Add his crazy sense of humor to the list of things about this man that were making me swoon.

I was surprised to find the coffee was still hot, he must have been here not too long ago. I almost took a drink, until I smelled it and decided otherwise, I just couldn't betray my DD! So I set it aside and started staring out the window, not even bothering with my email or even any thoughts of Jake at all for that matter. To anyone who has observed my pathetic depression the past 2 weeks, I probably looked exactly the same, gazing out the window at the passing cars. But today I wasn't daydreaming at all, I was trying to figure all of this Edward stuff out. Why was I so intrigued by him?? He wasn't overly tall, like my usual interests. Not abnormally built up. He wasn't even dressed nicely, just a pair of chucks, jeans, and some band T-shirt. I laughed at myself, oh lord, I remembered what shoes he was wearing! This is nuts. I thought and shook my head at myself.

My thoughts were interrupted by the bell on the door ringing as someone walked in. I held my breath and cautiously looked up, not wanting to be disappointed again. I wasn't disappointed at all, there he was, messy bronze hair, gorgeous green eyes. Looking almost exactly the same as yesterday, almost the exact same clothes, except his shirt was red today instead of black. He glanced back hopefully at my table and my heart smiled, but I quickly looked away and down at my laptop. I immediately slammed the computer open, wanting to look busy and not like I was sitting here desperately waiting for him.

He walked quickly through the small café, found the table beside mine without even looking at me. Placed his things on the table, sat down and started typing something without even saying a word.

What the hell?! I thought to myself.

I sat there in silence trying to distract myself from being super annoyed and his not even speaking to me by updating my myspace page, and deleting the tons of emails I had gotten the past 2 weeks since I updated my status to "single". Finally it got the better of me, and I had to say something!

"You know, if you didn't want me to annoy you with my chatter again, you didn't have to give me this horrid excuse for coffee to try to make me sick, you could have just simply asked me to be quiet and I would have tried my best" I stated casually barely looking at him over my laptop.

He gave me that crooked grin and there they were, those pesky butterflies flipping back and forth in my stomach making it almost impossible to concentrate on what he was saying!

"Star bucks is the best, you really shouldn't be such a coffee snob Bella" He said coolly and then returned to whatever it was he had been typing.

That was all he said, and then we returned to silence. I just couldn't figure this out, why would he let the coffee and the note and then not speak to me?! He looked frustrated and was clicking the mouse harder than necessary. But I decided I didn't care, one man disappearing and acting like I didn't matter was really enough, and so I went back to updating my myspace. I was just about content with my witty "about me section" when my IM window popped up. Oh great, an IM from some random stranger, I bet I already know what it says…"hey I'm new here at ft Campbell, and I'll be deploying a few months but I figured I might as well make some new friends, how'd you like to show me around beautiful"…gag me, couldn't these soldiers be more original?? I thought to myself and groaned out loud as I clicked to open the message.

Ecullen81: Bella really is a very fitting name for you ya know.

Oh, original. I sarcastically thought to myself before typing back.

Gabells09: And how would you know that?? The pic is only a face shot, for all you know I could be 500lbs and have a penis!

Ecullen81: Hmm well from where I'm sitting, I'd say that's not true, but if it is, I must say you do an amazing job of hiding about 380 of those lbs. And the penis must be tucked very securely!

Oh well, at least this one makes me smile, guess a short conversation couldn't hurt. I thought.

Gabells09: lol, what's your name?

Ecullen81: silly, I already told you!

Ok maybe this guy is a bit more of a creeper than I expected. I rolled my eyes before I typed.

Gabells09: What? Who is this?

Ecullen81: Your neighbor of course.

"HUH?!"

Gabells09: huh? Mrs. Alvarez?

I thought I heard Edward cough off a chuckle, but I couldn't focus on that, I was dying to know who the hell this person Iming me was!

Ecullen81: No, you dork, Edward. Lol!!

"What?!" I yelled much louder than I intended as I turned to look at him.

He smiled my smile and shrugged "I'm shy?"

"You're shy, right of course" I choked out, rolled my eyes and turned away from him.

I quickly gathered up my things and stormed out of the café, slammed my car door shut and drove off. I hadn't made it far before the tears that had filled my eyes started to spill out. I didn't know exactly why I was crying or why exactly I was so angry. I just was, I was angry and I was hurt. Both for so many reasons. I was so angry at Jake, how could he just leave me, how could he tell me he loved me every single day and then just leave? We had just discussed everything and agreed to simply take a break and then pick back up after he got home from this deployment. We weren't going to date other people, we loved each other, just so many things had happened and we needed to breathe. I know my cancer was hard on him. Part of me doesn't even blame him for running, I'd probably run too. But I couldn't make sense of why he stayed so long if that was his reason for leaving. My breast cancer surgery had been over a year ago, and things hadn't really been bad since, I've been sick here and there but nothing horrible. Maybe he just figured he should cut his losses. Maybe he never loved me at all, you couldn't just leave someone if you really loved them. I was angry with myself. Angry for being so weak, for opening myself up enough for someone to hurt me like this again. After Ben I swore no one would do this to me again. I'm pissed at myself cause I'm crying right now. I'm hurt because I know I love Jake, but if that's true then how is this man having this effect on me? Why do I care if he speaks to me, why do I care if he gives me that damn smile, why does that smile make me feel like I'm 15 again?!

I was sobbing uncontrollably, and having an all out meltdown by the time I reached my driveway. I kept telling myself that I just had to breathe as I stopped the car, trying to get myself calmed down before I went inside. "Pull it together Bells" I whimpered as I walked through my front door.

There he was, always reliable, Hendrix waiting patiently, so thrilled I was home. I couldn't help but smile when I saw his little wagging nub. I bent down and hugged him tightly before going to the back door to let him outside. I went through my usual night time routine, climbing into my comfy sweats and a tank top, cleaning up my face that looked like someone had punched me right square in the nose.

Finally done with cleaning up, I plopped down on the couch, turned on the TV for background noise and pulled my computer onto my lap, deciding that maybe work was the best way to occupy my mind. Hendrix curled up in his usual spot beside me. I was petting him absentmindedly as the computer started up. The dinging of my IM startled me, I had totally forgot that it signed itself in if I didn't log out before I shut down.

Ecullen81: Bella, I'm so sorry that I upset you. I didn't mean to, I'm just not good at this stuff. I honestly am shy. Well at least when it comes to breath taking women, I'm shy.

Gabells09: Don't worry about it, I'm just a bit of a wreck I probably over reacted, so whatever I'm sorry too. Good luck with the ETS thing, and try to keep yourself out of the play grounds ;)

Ecullen81: wait, I thought maybe we could go to dinner or something, I want to know you!

Gabells09: trust me Edward, you don't want to know me, right now I don't even wanna know me. Just forget about it and go to bed, you've got PT in the morning soldier J

Ecullen81: I would love to go to bed, but I think I might get arrested for sitting outside of the café sleeping after they've closed, and I'm definitely not leaving until you agree to dinner!

Gabells09: What? You're still at DD?

Ecullen81: Yep and it's getting quite cold out, my toes are bound to start turning blue at any minute, you should really agree to dinner soon, unless of course you have a thing for guys with missing appendages. I thought Tennessee was supposed to be warm by April?

"oh god what am I doing???" I asked Hendrix. He just looked up at me like I was crazy, he's probably right…

Gabells09: Fine, ONE dinner, but only for the sake of your toes! Don't expect much, you really have no idea what you're signing up for Edward. Oh and I get to pick the restaurant!

Ecullen81: Excellent, my toes thank you, truly! I'll see you tomorrow at 7, you tell me where.

Gabells09: Fine tomorrow, 7 o'clock, at los banditos, right outside of gate 4. Good night Edward.

Ecullen81: G'nite Bella, sweet dreams.

I couldn't help smiling as I laid in bed waiting to fall asleep. Why did he have this effect on me, why was I so excited for tomorrow…quickly sleep interrupted my thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Thankfully the next morning passed by smoothly, no crisis on the way to work, and only very nice customers since I've been here. It was almost lunch and I was sitting idle at my desk watching the clock tick when suddenly my door burst open, almost scaring me straight out of my chair.

"Isabella Swan!!! At exactly what point did you plan on telling me about your date tonight?! I am your best friend and I have to hear this sort of new from your freaking assistant?! ANGELA!! You don't even like her and you tell her before me?!?

"Ever hear of knocking Alice, you scared the hell out of me!" I smiled at my over the top cheerful, and completely amazing best friend.

"You only knock on people's doors when you respect them, how could I possibly respect my supposed best friend when she's keeping juicy secrets from me??" She snapped back crossing her arms across her chest.

"Ooohhh you're too funny! It isn't even a date exactly." obviously Angela was exaggerating! "I was practically blackmailed into going to dinner, and I barely know him. See, nothing to tell so calm down!"

"What? Who is this guy? Where are you going? And most importantly is he cute?!"

I chucked at how eagerly she was waiting for me to answer. "His name is Edward, I met him at DD the other night. We're going to Los Banditos, and yes, he's extremely cute, but I'm positive you wouldn't agree"

"Edward, hmmm. What's his last name? And so by I wouldn't agree, you mean he's the scruffy dirty musician type that you always end up checking out. Gross. I suppose, if personal hygiene isn't an issue, he's perfect!"

"His personal hygiene is just fine thank you very much." I laughed. "I'm actually not sure what his last name is, I never asked. Hmmm. He really is cute though, you wouldn't believe his eyes, and this grin he's got…UGH!" I sighed.

"AHHA!! She wasn't exaggerating at all, you really like this guy!!" Alice accused.

"Give me a break Al, I barely know him, but he's funny and he's cute. He makes me smile. It's nice to smile again, I haven't been doing much of that lately."

"Aww I know sweetie, I want you to be happy again, I miss my quick witted funny best friend very much. If he makes you smile, I'm sure I'll like him. I just hope he isn't dirty like that last musician you brought around."

"Come on Al, James really wasn't that bad, and he was a nice guy!"

"Gross" Alice rolled her eyes and bounced out of my office door.

The rest of my day dragged along horribly slow! Finally 5:00 rolled around, and I don't think I've ever been out of the bank and into my car so quickly. I rushed home, barely taking the time to love on Hendrix before jumping into the shower.

"Hair, check. Make-up, check. Smelling fantastic, check. Now what the hell am I going to wear?!" I asked Hendrix as I stepped into my closet. I tried on 6 pairs of jeans, and 8 shirts before I finally gave up and settled for my favorite worn in AE jeans, a charcoal grey Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers hoodie and my favorite cheap old navy flip flops. "Look at me Hendrix, I'm ridiculous, how the hell am I going on a first date in a freakin hoodie and flip flops, God help me!" I yelled. Hendrix didn't even move. Great, I'm even annoying the dog and he's ignoring me. I thought to myself. "This isn't even a real date, I mean I don't even know him. And it's not like he's this GQ stud anyway, who cares what I wear. I'm hot in anything, I am totally rockin this hoodie, and anyone who can't appreciate some good ol' Tom Petty doesn't even deserve to have dinner with me!" I mumbled to myself pacing in front of my front door in desperate attempt to convince myself to walk outside, get in my car and go meet Edward. Just then it occurred to me to check the clock. "7:12, oh PERFECT, I'm looking incredibly homely AND I'm late, smooth like butta Bells, seriously, CRAP" I yelled at myself as I ran out the door and jumped into my car.

Thankfully the restaurant wasn't far at all, and I managed to make the 10 minute drive into a 5 minute drive. As I parked, I noticed him standing by the door, I got out of the car and walked up to him. He was smiling that stupid crooked grin, and I was pretty positive my heart was going to jump out of my chest. "DO NOT FALL" I chanted in my head as I stepped up onto the curb.

"Sorry I'm late" I blurted out trying to get my heart rate back under control.

"I was beginning to think you were standing me up, I was hurt…really" he joked, fake pouting lip and all.

"Yeah well, I totally lost track of time while going back and forth on whether or not to bring my computer, just in case you decided to be too shy to actually speak to me again"

"Ouch!" he chuckled and held the door open for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Inside, the host quickly lead us to our table. Thank God this is one of the few restaurants that still had a smoking section, as soon as we sat down, I began searching my purse for my pack of cigarettes, hoping to calm my nerves. Finding it, I quickly snatched one out and lit it.**

"**That's really a disgusting habit ya know? It'll kill you one day" Edward said wrinkling his nose in half real and half pretend disgust.**

"**Sure, sure, I know, but we all gotta die from something right? Might as well be from something I enjoy." I smiled after repeating the speech for the millionth time. I hate when people nag about my smoking!!**

**He just rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you came, I really was getting nervous, when you were late." He smiled and with that smile, I lost all train of thought. "WHOA, what the hell was that?!" I thought in my head trying to regain myself!**

"**I'm glad too" I smiled, being far more honest about that then I had intended to be.**

"**So Bella, tell me your story."**

"**My story, hmm, well there are a lot of chapters to my story, which would you like to hear?"**

**He smiled my crooked grin, ran his hand through his already messy yet beautiful hair. "Well, how about we start with the basics. Where you're from, how you ended up here, what do you do? How old are you? And is there a man I should be expecting to show up here wanting to kill me cause I'm dining with his gorgeous girlfriend?"**

"**Well, I'm originally from Washington state, a small town that no one has ever heard of named Forks . My brother is in the army, he got stationed at Fort Campbell, and so after my ex fiancé and I split up and I finished college, I moved here to Clarksville to be his roommate, he's my best friend." I stuttered for a minute realized just how much I missed Billy since he had PCSed to GA and then deployed. "I work for Bank of America, in the accounting office, I hate it. I also do some personal accounting on the side, and I'm considering leaving the bank and just doing that full time. A boyfriend…hmm…yeah well I'm pretty positive you don't have to worry about anyone caring enough to show up here." My voice broke a little on the last part, and I was beyond relieved when the waiter showed up with our food, saving me from my pathetic break down in front of Edward.**

**I smiled at the waiter, thanked him, and then began picking at my food a little, trying to distract my mind from Jake.**

**He broke the silence. "Washington state, hmm that's a bit of a weather change from almost constant rain to the heat and humidity of the Tennessee summers."**

"**Yeah, well after Seth and I split up, I figured I could use some sunshine in my life." I laughed.**

"**Seth, hmm so is that who won't be caring enough to show up tonight?"**

"**No, that was a long time ago." I answered quickly, praying he wouldn't pry any farther. **

"**Hmm…well then wh…" He began, but I interrupted before he could continue.**

"**I believe it's your turn. Start with the basics." **

"**Oh…ok. Well, I'm from Maryland, outside of Baltimore. Obviously I joined the army and that's how I got stuck here in hillbilly hell." He practically spat, obviously hating life in TN. "And no, I don't have a girlfriend."**

"**That's hard to believe." Crap, did I just say that out loud?! Please don't ask me to explain, it's one thing for me to be unexplainably tore up and attracted to this man, a whole different thing to admit it to him.**

**He swallowed the bite of fajita he had just taken, and then looked at me confused. "What is?"**

**Crap! "The whole no girlfriend thing" I replied wanting to kick myself!**

**He smiled wildly and tilted his head slightly. "And why is that hard for you to believe Bella?"**

**Crap Crap!! "Oh umm well I just" beautiful I'm freaking stuttering…CRAP! Finally I pulled it together enough to finish "I mean, you're an attractive enough guy, you seem smart, funny, it's just surprising, that's all" I was pretty sure I pulled casual off. Yeah right…I'm an idiot, I laughed to myself.**

**He lifted and eyebrow and chuckled lightly. "Shy, remember?"**

"**Oh, right."**

"**Plus, I'm not the typical army tool running around the club in my AE button down and khaki pants, toting the latest Nickleback CD."**

"**I hate Nickleback" I spat automatically. God I hate that band!**

"**Do you?" He chuckled and then continued. "I don't sleep with random women, I don't pick up women at bars, I spend most of my time in the tattoo shop, not a great place to meet women, plus I like smart women who actually have something to say, you'd be amazed how hard that is to find, and so, I am girlfriendless. Now, are you positive you don't have a boyfriend?"**

**Damnit, he wasn't going to just let this drop. I took a deep breath. "No, according to his updated face book status, I definitely do not have a boyfriend." I laughed cynically to myself.**

"**His face book status?" He asked confused.**

"**Oh yeah," I laughed bitterly "That's how he broke up with me, well that and leaving the country without even telling me he was leaving. Unusual, but effective." I rolled my eyes.**

"**Sounds like a GREAT guy." He said heavy on the sarcasm.**

**As mad as I was at Jake for everything he had done, hearing someone else speak badly of him really annoyed me.**

"**Jake's a great guy really. He was a great boyfriend, probably the love of my life. Our situation was just really complicated, but he loved me, I guess he just couldn't take it… or take me anymore." I said defensively but my voice cracked on the last part.**

"**What could be so complicated that you would leave the person you love??" He asked doubtfully.**

**The more this went on, the angrier I got. Who was he to talk down on my Jake. "Lots of things, I wasn't a good girlfriend." I snapped back.**

"**Bella, I've only spent this little bit of time with you, and already I KNOW you're an amazing woman, and I'd be totally shocked to hear anything that could make me think otherwise, so please…shock me."**

**I rolled my eyes. "You don't know me at all Edward."**

"**Ok, fine, then please tell me what could make you so horrible?"**

"**There's a long list, so here pick your favorite reason. Maybe it's because I'm slightly emotionally retarded. I'm closed up, I don't let people in, and I constantly push everyone away. I'm moody. I have a horrible temper. I had breast cancer and was sick…I mean REALLY sick, a lot, I still am sometimes. I pick things apart, I find fault in a relationship even when there isn't any. I pick arguments, just to see how far I can push people, to see how much they can take before they pack up and go. He was perfect and I was horrible." I quickly looked down, trying my damnedest not to cry.**

**There was awkward silence. I finally pulled my eyes up to gauge his reaction to my honesty. His eyes were cold, and he had his fists balled tightly on the table. I couldn't figure out how to read his expression.**

**Finally, he spoke. "He is a coward Bella."**

"**You don't even know him!!" I shouted, louder than I had intended.**

"**I don't need to know him."**

**I was just about argue back at him when the waiter showed up again, this time with our check. He looked at us cautiously. I snapped out of my anger and looked around, apparently everyone in the place had noticed our little squabble and were looking at us, trying not to be obvious. I blushed heavily and turned away. **

**Edward grabbed the check swiftly. "Shall we?" He motioned to the cash out counter.**

"**You don't have to buy my dinner Edward." I said calmly, ashamed at how I had spoken to him.**

"**Indeed, you're right, but I want to." He smiled and took my hand to help me out of the booth.**

**He paid the cashier, left a tip for our waiter and then walked me to my car.**

"**Ya know, it's still early and Friday night. We could go get a drink if you wanted?" He suggested as he reached for my car door.**

**We had talked way too much about Jake tonight, and I could feel the tear in my heart tugging at me. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be sobbing, and there was no need for him to witness that.**

"**I'm sorry Edward, I'm really tired, I think I should just go home and get some sleep. Maybe another time though?" I smiled up at him.**

"**I definitely hope so. Maybe I could at least have your number?" He asked hopefully, smiling my grin.**

"**Of course." Even now, on the verge of letting my emotions overflow, and have my heart shatter right there in front of him, that grin make my pulse pick up. I couldn't make any sense of it. "931-555-7086"**

"**Excellent." he punched the numbers into his phone still grinning. "I'll talk to you soon. Sleep well Bella." He said as he closed my door and turned to walk away.**

**I started my car quickly and headed home, tears were already spilling out, and I knew it wouldn't be long before all the emotion had completely paralyzed me. I'd concentrated very hard on not thinking about Jake since he left, and when I did slip up, it was with angry thoughts about how he had hurt me. But tonight, defending him like I had, it forced me to remember how amazing he really was. It brought up all the times we spent just laughing together, all of our pointless conversations, and inside jokes that made sense to no one but us. I remembered how he held me when my dad died. I remembered how he stayed with me in the hospital when I had my surgery, how he never left. How he took care of me when I was sick, and how strong he was for me when I couldn't be. How he took my anger when he didn't deserve it. God I missed him. I missed his smell, his touch, the way his hand felt on the small of my back when he guided me into a room, but most of all, I just missed my best friend. How free and unguarded I felt with him, he came closer to anyone ever had to really being let in. I messed our relationship up. I pushed him away.**

**By the time I reached my driveway I could barely see through the tears. When I finally stopped the car, I just sat there with my arms wrapped around my chest, trying in vein to hold myself together. After a few minutes, the tears began to slow slightly, so I half pulled myself together and ran inside to somewhat took care of Hendrix before throwing myself into bed. I wanted nothing more than for sleep to numb me, and take all of this away. It was a good night, for once, darkness came quickly, and I drifted to sleep.**


	5. Chapter 5

**~Well, I suppose if you've made it this far, perhaps it isn't so bad. This is the first thing I've written in years, so I'm just rediscovering my love of the process, and this is my first fanfic. Feel free to give reviews, I love feedback, good or bad! Here's chapter 5, enjoy!**

Just as quickly as it came, my sleep was ripped away, by what seemed like the loudest and most annoying sound I had ever heard. I sat straight up in bed, trying to adjust my eyes and figure out what the hell the horrid sleep shattering noise was. My senses finally came to me, and I realized it was my phone singing and buzzing from my night stand. Before slamming my phone open, I glanced at my clock, realizing it was barely past 6 AM.

"Hello?!" I demanded.

"OH MY GOD, YAY!! You HAVE to tell me everything!" An overly excited high pitched voice squealed from my phone.

"Alice…you do realize it's barely 6 am, on a Saturday morning right?!"

"Bella.." she mocked the slow and drawn out way I had just said her name. "You do realize Jasper and I have been together for over 4 years, therefore, I don't get dates, I don't meet exciting new men, and so I'm forced to live vicariously through you right?!"

"First of all, it wasn't a date. Secondly, he's not exciting and so there's really nothing to tell." I replied rubbing my sleepy eyes.

"Oh shut up! It WAS a date, and you obviously like him, so tell me EVERYTHING!!"

"Ok, I tell ya what. You call me back in say ummm 4hrs, you know when normal people are awake and functioning, and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. However, if you call me even a minute before, my lips are sealed forever!"

"You're a horrible friend, and an even more horrible person in general, you know this right?!" She pouted.

"Sure, sure, I know. 4 hours." I chuckled and slid my phone closed, throwing myself back under the covers.

Twenty minutes had barely passed, and I was just on the verge of sinking back into sleep when my phone started screaming at me yet again.

"You have GOT to be kidding me, how can a person SO small be SO incredibly annoying?!" I moaned before grabbing the phone.

"ALICE CLEARWATER, you so better be on fire, cause I swear on all that is holy, if you are calling me AGAIN right now for ANY other reason, not even the hand of God himself will be able to save you!!" I yelled into the phone.

"Oh…well…uh…umm…this…Bella?" A confused velvet voice asked.

"Shit!" I let slip out. "Edward?" I asked

"Yeah. So, I mean, I know it's still a little early, sorry about that. But, someone was telling me about this place, LBL…land between the lakes. Have you been there? Well I was thinking about going down there and maybe hiking, just looking around. It's supposed to be really beautiful outside today, and I thought maybe you'd wanna come along?" He stuttered.

He had said it all so fast, I wasn't even sure I had caught it all, so it took me a minute to respond.

"Did you seriously call me before 7 am to ask me to go hiking?"

He chuckled "Yes, I suppose I did."

I climbed out of bed and stretched, no chance of falling back to sleep now. But somehow hearing his voice, and knowing he wanted to spend the day with me made me smile.

"I suppose you haven't known me long enough to know that I can barely make it from my bed to the couch without tripping over my own feet and falling at least twice. But yeah, so hiking isn't exactly a big hobby of mine."

"Come on, I promise I won't let you fall, we'll have fun and I can make up for the way dinner ended up last night."

"I just…I dunno, I really don't think it's a good idea Edward."

"Please?" he pleaded in the most tempting and beautiful voice I had ever heard. How could I refuse him?

I looked at Hendrix watching me from my bed, filled my cheeks with a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. "Can I bring my dog?"


	6. Chapter 6

**He had offered to come pick me up, but I refused. However, now that I was driving annoyed across town in the heavy Saturday morning traffic, I wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe it was because perhaps I'm a little paranoid and I wasn't completely convinced yet that he wasn't a psycho. Maybe I just wasn't ready to have a man in my house again yet. Or maybe I just enjoyed being difficult, who knows. I stopped trying to figure it out as I turned into our DD parking lot where we had agreed to meet.**

**He was standing lazily against a huge black jeep waiting for me. That shocked me, I don't know why, but I had never bothered to notice his vehicle before, but this definitely wasn't what I had been expecting. I had expected a bad boy car, I dunno exactly what kind, just not a jeep. I parked beside his monstrosity of a car and rolled the window down, to figure out which car he wanted to take today.**

"**Good morning Bella!" He practically bounced to my car and placed his hands on the edge of my roof. I don't think I had seen him in this good of a mood before. I don't think he had noticed Hendrix's head pop out of the back window, until the low growls started booming from his throat. "OH" He stuttered, eyes wide with shock. "And umm, this must be your **_**baby **_**Hendrix!" I couldn't help but chuckle, he was standing at least 3 feet from the car now, his hands raised defensively.**

**I slid out of the car, and opened the back door, leading Hendrix out by his leash. "Yes, this is my Hendrix, the man in my life." I joked kneeling beside him, motioning for Edward to come and say hi.**

"**I do enjoy having all my limbs intact, and he doesn't exactly look like he's down with the idea of me coming any closer." He winced looking hesitantly at Hendrix. Hendrix plopped down, with one last low growl, I swear he was enjoying this.**

**I rolled my eyes. "He's only looking at you that way because he doesn't know you, and of course, because you're acting like a little girl."**

**Edward narrowed his eyes at my comment and began walking back towards us, hand outstretched for Hendrix to sniff. After just a few moments, he was convinced that Hendrix wasn't going to take off his arm and was petting him lovingly. When the little nub started wagging excitedly, I knew we were in the clear, and Edward had passed the first test. I smiled to myself, more pleased at that fact than I had been expecting.**

"**Shall we?" Edward asked standing straight again and motioning towards the jeep.**

"**Yeah, sure, just let me lock up."**

**My keyless entry beeped, and I loaded Hendrix into the back of the ridiculously over sized jeep, before attempting to climb into the front seat. We had been driving for about 15 minutes without saying a word before Edward broke the silence with a low chuckle.**

"**What's so funny?" I asked, slightly self conscious.**

"**You!" His laughter was booming now.**

"**Me?! What did I do?!" I asked confused.**

**He shook his head, trying to calm his laughter. "Nothing, it's just, let it up to you to show up with a dog who weighs more than you do."**

**I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, it's not everyday I agree to go stomping off into the woods with a man I barely know, so I had to bring some sort of protection."**

"**Protection?" his brow wrinkled with confusion.**

"**Well, yeah. I've only got 3 things in my house to defend myself from an attacker…there's the knife set in the kitchen, the old softball bat in the closet or, the third option I figured you'd be more fond of; my baby." I smiled back at Hendrix and rubbed his chest.**

"**You expect to need protection from me?" He asked, sounding almost hurt.**

"**Well, no, I mean I dunno." I stuttered, trying to undo the damage it seemed , my words had done. " Come on, you've seen the horror movies, young girl goes off with the psycho ax murderer cleverly disguised as a handsome young man, only to be chopped into little bits and never be heard of again." I stated obviously.**

"**Handsome am I?" He grinned my grin and winked at me. I actually had to remind myself to breathe…good lord, this has GOT to stop!**

**I sighed heavily. "Oh shut up, you KNOW what I meant."**

**He chuckled once before becoming very serious. "You'll always be safe with me Bella, nothing is going to hurt you while you're with me."**

**The car became awkwardly silent. I was completely shocked at how he had reacted to might light hearted analogy. I watched his face, but he was so hard to read. But I could swear it looked like he was very much regretting something. Finally, I couldn't take the silence anymore.**

"**What is this horrible noise?" I pointed to the radio.**

**He almost choked. "Noise?!" **

"**Well, that would seem like a fairly accurate description."**

"**That, love, is only the greatest band EVER!!" He said very matter of fact, as if he had just pointed out the most obvious thing in the world. **

**Wait a minute…did he just…call me…**_**LOVE**_**???? I was disgusted and more thrilled than I had ever been in my entire life all at the same time, the latter I could make absolutely no sense of at all! I decided to ignore it, I'm sure it was something he just said casually.**

"**Well, I suppose if you were compiling a list of the crappiest bands to ever grace a stage, these guys could be at the top of **_**that**_** list."**

"**BLASPHEMY!" He jokingly shouted. "You better watch out, at any given moment, the music gods may strike you down. Do you even know who this band is?"**

"**Uh no, I thought we had established that I don't keep up with crappy music." I smiled.**

"**This, is Bad Religion, they're only music pioneers. These guys are legends, every single thing that comes out of their mouths is gold. They are easily rock gods. Much more original than the ancient slurring through of words that you're precious Tom Petty does." He winked at me.**

"**Oh hey now, easy on Tom!!" I gasped. "I am not even going to continue this conversation if you're going to try to deny that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are rock legends. Those guys have been rocking out since before we were born. And live, Oh my god. There is nothing to describe them other than mind blowingly amazing. I would gladly give up sex for the rest of my life, if I could be guaranteed at least one Petty show a year!" Music was one of my biggest passions, but I was a little embarrassed at my over the top speech.**

"**You love music, bad music, but all the same music, that's a good thing." He smiled at me, making my heart stutter. "I suppose, for now, we'll simply have to agree to disagree, but I'm confident I'll have you converted in no time!"**

"**Don't count on it!" I laughed confidently. "You mentioned music as an option for when you get home, so exactly what kind of stuff do **_**you**_** come up with?"**

"**None, at the moment."**

"**Why's that?" I was curious.**

"**I dunno, I guess it's just something I let myself slip out of, not intentionally. Just with joining the army and moving away, I couldn't take any more than three of my guitars, and all the other equipment had to be left behind. And I just didn't feel it anymore. I stopped a lot of things when I joined the army. Perhaps I just need to find a proper muse." His voice was suddenly sad, I could tell he missed these things very much.**

"**Well, when you did, what was your music like?" I hoped I wasn't prying too much.**

"**Umm, well I guess it was very much Edward." He laughed. "There's this band, I doubt you've ever heard of them…Against Me!." I smiled at the mention of my second favorite band. "They're punk rock, but they just have this raw sound, I like it a lot, a good bit of my music has ended up sounding a little like that. But, sometimes oddly enough, my stuff is kind of folk-ish."**

"**Reinventing Axel Rose, is actually one of my top 5 favorite albums ever." I smiled smugly.**

"**You're kidding me?!" He laughed. "**_**You **_**like Against Me!?"**

"**Second only to Tom Petty." I smiled and winked at him.**

**Just then his deep green eyes had me trapped, and I couldn't pull myself away. He slowly ran his hand through his beautiful hair. **

"**You're always surprising me Bella." it was the sweetest, most perfect voice I had ever heard.**

"**And you're the most pleasant surprise I've had in a very, very long time." My honestly slipped out before I could stop it. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks so I begrudgingly tore my eyes from his to look out the window. Silence filled the jeep, but it wasn't awkward this time, it was peaceful, and calm. I felt totally in place here with him.**

**Our perfect moment was abruptly shattered by the sound of my phone singing my favorite Against Me song.**

"**See! Told you I like them!" I chuckled before sliding my phone open.**

"**Hello?" I said still laughing a bit.**

"**Exactly 4 hours and 1 minute! SPILL IT." Alice screeched on the other end.**

**I couldn't help but laugh. "Umm, actually can I call you back later tonight?"**

"**Are you out of your mind?! No you absolutely can not call me back later tonight, you promised Bella." She pouted.**

"**Well **_**Edward **_**and I were just driving out to LBL to do some hiking, but I shouldn't be in too late." I emphasized his name praying she would take the hint.**

"**oh, OOOHHH. Ok, yeah you better call me back!!!"**

"**I promise! Love you!"**

"**Bye!"**

**As I slid the phone shut, Edward was bringing the jeep to a stop.**

"**We're here already?" I asked, shocked that the hour and a half drive had gone by so quickly.**

"**So it would seem." He smiled my favorite grin.**

**We made it out of the jeep, and found the first trail leading us to one of the lakes, me stumbling every two feet. He kept his word, never letting me fall, and I assure you that's no small feat. According to the sign, the trail had been about 2 miles long, but I had missed most of it. My mind was far too busy trying to make sense of the knotted feeling in my stomach every time Edward reached out to catch me from falling, or when our arms happened to brush each other when the path narrowed. I don't like people easily, it's just not in my nature, but him, I definitely liked. Actually, **_**like **_**was far to light of a description, but I couldn't bring myself to admit anything farther.**

**The path branched out at the end, opening up to gorgeous lake barkley. Edward turned to wink at me before jogging over to the waters edge. I quickly followed behind him, Hendrix practically dragging me most of the way.**

"**It's beautiful." I gazed out at the water.**

**He looked down at me and touched my face lightly. I completely stopped breathing. "Not so much, compared to the rest of the scenery." **

**As much as I tried to fight it, I couldn't stop the blush from over taking my face. **

"**It's a lot warmer than I was expecting." He said sounding a bit shocked, and began to take off the heavy hoodie he was wearing. I couldn't stop my mouth from dropping as the t-shirt he was wearing underneath lifted along with the sweatshirt. Those crappy band shirts he's always wearing are doing him no justice at all. His stomach and chest were absolutely perfect, I traced my eyes along every line of muscle. I was convinced there could be nothing in the world better. I was very swiftly corrected as I finally pulled my eyes away from his stomach only to realize his t-shirt was sleeveless. I wasn't sure it was possible, but I was pretty sure I just felt my mouth drop even lower. I don't know what it is about a man's arms, but there's nothing sexier for me, and his…the muscles, I hadn't noticed before, and the tattoos! Before I could stop it, my mind went running down a path I had never expected. All I could see were the images of him bracing himself on top of me, my hands wrapped tightly around his strong arms. I could practically feel his warm breath on my neck, whispering my name…**

"**Uh Bella? Helllooooooo??" He was waving his hand in front of my face.**

"**Oh…umm…yeah…ok, sorry." I shook my head. And he sat down, leaning back in the grass, bracing himself on his elbows.**

**He laughed lightly. "Come sit down?" He patted the ground next to him. I sat down. "Any chance of me getting to hear more of your story today?"**

"**Hmm, well what else do you wanna know?"**

"**Everything." He said very seriously. I couldn't help but glance back, expecting a smirk on his face, but his features were very serious.**

**I laughed a bit nervously. "Well, you're gonna have to narrow it down a little bit."**

"**Hmm, you haven't told me much about your family."**

**I rolled my eyes. " Well, that's mainly because they're all crazy!"**

"**So you don't want to talk about them?"**

"**No…I mean I guess I don't mind. It's just where to start. My family is very Italian, and very catholic, well when people are looking, they're very catholic anyway. I never saw a point to it, and that's probably why I'm constantly getting speeches from my mom, listing off all the reasons I'm surely going to hell." I laughed. "My dad…Charlie, he was in the army. That's how he met my mom. He got out of the military after a tour as a drill sgt. At Ft Benning GA. After he got out, he said he just needed a drastic change, and so we moved to Forks when I was I think 5. Forks is really the only place I remember living. Dad took well to the new slow pace of life there, and loved his job as the town police chief. " I smiled remembering waiting for his cruiser to pull in our drive way every night. "My mom hated it. Her side of the family has money, and she's used to living a certain way, Forks definitely doesn't offer that type of lifestyle. But I guess in general my dad never offered that type of lifestyle to her. Now that I'm older, I realize how much she gave up when she decided to be with him. My grandfather actually disowned her for a while. Dad didn't have money, and he was only half Italian, that alone made pop's head explode!" I stopped, feeling a bit self-conscious talking so much. "I'm sorry, all this detail is probably more than you bargained for." I blushed.**

"**Absolutely not, I love it." He smiled and gently pulled me back onto his chest. I sighed, I couldn't explain it but laying with him there like that felt like home. "Please, go on."**

"**Ok, umm. My sister is the oldest, then Billy, and I'm the baby. My mom and sister were always very close, and me, Billy, and my dad were always together. Billy was the best big brother anyone could ever have. He beat boys up for me, lied to my parents and covered for me when I was a teenager and snuck out of the house." I laughed lightly, missing my brother very much. "He helped me with everything, he's always been my best friend, and knows me better than anyone else in the world. My pop, that's my mom's father finally came around about a year after I was born. He forgave my mom for **_**dishonoring **_**him." I rolled my eyes. "Pop and I have always been pretty close, somehow I became his favorite. I remember there always being 5 extra dollars in my birthday cards, a few extra pieces of candy in my Easter baskets. I think he tried to be subtle about it, and will still deny it to this day, but everyone knew. He taught me to speak Italian when I was 9, I believe. My gran is amazing. She's the most loving and wonderful woman I've ever known. But she's very old country Italian, she doesn't say much. She still struggles with English sometimes, usually she just forgets, and starts a sentence in English, but finishes in Italian, she's always done it, I don't even notice anymore. I grew up with a very close family, it was sort of ingrained in our brains…**_**famiglia è famiglia. **_**That's what my pop always told us; family is family, everything else is secondary." I sighed. "Are you asleep yet?"**

**He chuckled. "Not hardly, I'm learning a lot about you Bella. Please don't stop." and then he smiled my grin. I swear he knew that's all he had to do to get anything he ever wanted.**

"**Hmm well at about 17 I became…well…I guess I became me. I didn't hold my tongue for anyone, I said what I thought, when I thought it. I was sarcastic, had a horrible temper, and if you said I couldn't do something, I was more than willing to die trying to prove you otherwise. My mother hated it, my father thought it was funny, and my pop adored it. He always told my mom he didn't know how it was possible that I was the only true Italian that she gave birth to, but he supposed that's what she got for marrying someone who wasn't a **_**true**_** Italiano." I laughed remembering how my mom and pop argued about that. "I had a bit of a rough time in college, after Seth and I split up, I got into some really stupid things. No one could get through to me, not even Billy. Finally I decided enough was enough, and I had to do something. But of course I wouldn't do things the way anyone wanted me to. Instead, I went to Jersey to live with pop and gran for about 6 months. I was a total wreck, and a horrible person the entire time I was there, but they were so patient with me. I guess when I left is when we drifted a bit. I had a hard time looking at them after that, I was so ashamed of myself. It wasn't until a year and a half ago when my dad passed away that we became close again. Pop and gran were really there for me, for all of us." my voice was starting to crack talking about my dad.**

"**I'm so sorry Bella" He kissed my hair and hugged me close.**

**I shook my head. "Really it's ok, but I've been rambling for ages, I think it's your turn."**

**He groaned. "There really isn't much to tell, my dad died about 6 months ago, so I understand your hurt, and he's really the only family I had." His voice was sad.**

"**Oh, I'm sorry." I smiled sympathetically up at him.**

**He winked. "Today was the first time you've mentioned a sister, and you didn't say much about your mother or your father's side of the family."**

"**There's good reason for that." I said standing up and walking Hendrix down to the water, hoping he would just let it drop. I should have known better.**

"**Well…" He said expectantly.**

"**You don't want to hear that story Edward."**

"**More like you don't want to tell it don't you think?"**

"**You're right, I don't want to tell it, now will you please just drop it?" I snapped back.**

"**This, this right here is your whole problem, I hope you know that!" He shouted.**

"**Oh give me a damn break, Edward, you haven't even known me a full week, but yeah please do tell me what my **_**problem **_**is!!!"**

"**You're too damn proud!! **_**THAT**_** is your problem!!" He let out a huge sigh. "You're right, I haven't even known you a week, but do you think I don't see the way your wrap your arms around yourself and fight breaking down every time you even say that Jake guys name? It's ok if he hurt you, it's ok if you're not passed it yet. It's ok if your family hurt you. It's ok to just be hurt Bella. Damnit, I'm not judging you."**

**He tried to reach for my hand but I yanked it away. "No Edward, no you don't get it at all." I shook my head, angry that he was always prying when I just wanted him to stop and even angrier that he brought Jake up again. "I'm not proud, I don't keep things to myself because of stupid pride. I'm smart. I learned a long time ago not to trust anyone except myself. No matter how much someone cares about you, when push comes to shove, everyone is out for number one. The way I see it, everyone, has maybe 2 people they really matter to, and by matter I mean, when you die, there's only a small handful of people who will still look back 10yrs later and miss you, and remember the good things about you. Those few people are the only ones who matter. Everyone else, well, you're just filler in their story…they're not loyal, and hurt, and anger, and any real emotion, those are just weaknesses. Weaknesses that at the end of the day, people will exploit in a second to push themselves ahead of you. Everyone has an angle, whether it's sex, money, or just loneliness, they're using you for something. I'm smart because I stop it before it starts. There are probably a hundred people who if you asked, they'd tell you they know me, but there's only maybe 3 who really do. I made a huge mistake with Jake, he was so close to being totally let it, to knowing who I really was, yeah, he left and yes, he broke my heart, maybe it was because he was frustrated with how complicated I can be." I took a deep breath, trying to calm down a bit. "These walls I have built up, they saved my life, because if I didn't have them, when he walked out it would have killed me, I wouldn't be standing here with you right now, I'd be laying in my bed still or have a needle in my arm slowly killing myself." I winced at that memory. "I've been to that point and I'll never go back. I don't build walls to keep people out Edward, I build them to see who is strong enough, who gives enough of a damn to stick around an climb over them."**

**Before I could even realize what was going on, he had pulled me into a bone crushing hug. I tried to push away but he just squeezed tighter. I knew I was supposed to be angry, but it all washed away with his arms around me, there was no where else I wanted to be. I would have been content staying in the safe cage of his arms forever, just breathing in his sweet scent.**

**When he could feel I was calm, he tucked his fingers under my chin and slowly lifted my face up to his. I gasped at his deep green eyes piercing into mine. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, and slowly pressed his lips to mine. It was the softest, and sweetest kiss I've ever experienced. I actually felt my knees buckle. Thank god he was still holding me up.**

**He smiled my favorite crooked grin. "I'm a pretty good climber."**


	7. Chapter 7

**~~This chapter is fairly short, but I think it's my favorite so far! Let me know what you think!**

The rest of our day, I could easily explain as the best day of my life. Our conversations were light, and he was hilarious. I can't even describe his sense of humor, it's horrible, absolutely horrible, but I hadn't laughed this much in…well, I'm fairly positive I've never laughed as much ever as I had at the lake with Edward. We held hands, and he kissed my forehead every time I almost fell. He was becoming my own little miracle. My personal sun, dragging me out of the darkness that Jake had left behind. I would have been perfectly content for this day to go on forever, but like all good things, as the sun was starting to set, it came to an end.

"It's getting late, I know you've got to be starving. We should probably head back soon." He said running his fingers through my hair.

"Mmmm" I pouted.

He chuckled. "I guess we could stay a bit longer if you'd like?"

"No you're right." I laughed. "This is just nice. And weird, definitely weird. I think maybe I'm losing it." I smiled

"And why would you think that Bella?"

I sighed. "It doesn't make any sense…_you_ don't make any sense. Here you are, this big crazy, tattooed person that I met in a stupid coffee shop. You're not…well, you're not what I pictured, or what I expected, and it doesn't make any sense to me, but I have all of these feelings crashing into me constantly since I met you. You push me, make me uncomfortable, and argue with me, and I hate it." I closed my eyes hoping I wouldn't betray myself by letting out too much honesty. "The only thing at this point that I'm positive of, is right now, this moment, the way I feel laying here with you, I don't ever want to not feel this…I'm terrified of not feeling this." I shook my head trying to make sense of my rambling. "Just…don't hurt me Edward." I whispered.

He gently lifted my chin up to look at him. I swear, those eyes were a work of art, and I could almost feel them piercing down to my soul. He sighed. "I love your eyes."

I laughed, I had just poured out my heart and he says he likes my freakin eyes. "Yeah well, what's not to love, everyday blah boring brown."

He smiled, and ran one finger along my eyelashes. "They're far from boring, they're beautiful. There's not a lot you can't find out about someone from their eyes. I can spot a liar from a mile away, by looking in their eyes just once. I've always been able to read people that way." He hesitated for a moment. "When I look into yours, I can see all the obvious things, the hurt, and uncertainty, but there's always more and I can't ever tell what it is. You'd be amazed at how crazy I'm going with most of the time with curiosity over what you're thinking." He kissed my forehead before standing us both up to leave.

The drive back to Clarksville was quiet…peaceful. He was humming some song I couldn't recognize with his hand resting on my leg. I was absentmindedly tracing one of the tattoos on his arm. It was one that I couldn't make any sense of, it was just kind of a bunch of chaos covering the majority of his right forearm, I must have passed over it a hundred times before I noticed a tiny smiley face closed in a box, with some small lettering around it. Without even thinking, I lifted his arm to try to read it, but it was written in what I thought was Latin.

"Lost hope." He smiled over at me.

"Huh?"

He laughed quietly. "The words are Latin, they mean lost hope."

I looked back at him confused. "I don't get it."

There was my grin, and there was my traitor heart almost completely stopping. "I got that tattoo, about 3yrs ago, after I joined the army. Right before I enlisted, I was in a pretty bad spot. I was doing stupid shit, involving myself with stupid people. After I got out of all that, and cleared my head a bit, I got the tattoo, it's just sort of my daily reminder that hope is never completely lost, sometimes, you just really have to look for it."

I hadn't thought of the tattoo as beautiful until now. All I could do was smile back at him and pull his arm a little closer to me.

We didn't talk the rest of the ride back. It was the most comfortable and perfect silence I've ever experienced. There weren't any words but so many things fell into place. In that hour and a half ride back to my car, I realized, Edward was my hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**~~Let me know what you're thinking everyone! Great, Horrible, Decent?**

Edward dropped me at my car. I drove home quickly, just wanting to shower, and relax in some Pjs. The whole drive home, I was regretting not inviting him over, for dinner, or a movie, or just to have him sit silently on my couch and relax away my worries just by simply being there.

I was halfway through my front door when it occurred to me. Today was the first day since I realized Jake had left that I didn't hesitate before going inside my house. I couldn't hold back my smile. I was going to be ok. If I were being honest with myself, Jake and I were over a long time before he had left. After my breast cancer surgery, after I was over the worst of everything, he started being around less and less. And by the beginning of the year, we had become more of friends than anything else, it makes sense that that's what we agreed to be not long after. Jake was my best friend before he was anything else, so it just made sense, he would always be my friend, and I'd always love him as a friend, and he'd always hold another part of me as well. It was time to be honest with myself, yes I loved Jake, and yes I missed him. But I wasn't devastated because my boyfriend left me. I was terrified of being alone again. I had been single for about 3 years before Jake and I started dating. When we decided to take our relationship farther, I was ready to settle down. I depended on him entirely too much. I got so lost in _us_ that I forgot how to be just Bella. Having to remember that…how to be just me again was what was killing me. Edward was bringing Bella back. He didn't agree with me for the sake of agreeing. He challenged my opinions and made me fight for them. He made me stand up for myself. He was making me strong again. It didn't seem possible, I had just met him, but I could feel myself teetering on the edge of falling for him.

I was about to take a shower, and humming some upbeat poppy love song, acting like the type of girls I loathe. You know those ones who are too happy, who just love everyone…blah! I hated it…but it felt wonderful. I stopped humming, thinking I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. Crap! I threw my tank top back on and ran through the house, almost breaking my neck in the process, hoping to catch the call before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" I gasped, still rubbing my toe after almost breaking it on the stupid couch.

"Bella?" I couldn't place the voice, but it was familiar.

"Umm yeah, who's this?"

He laughed. "Did you forget me already? It's Jake of course."

"Oh." was all I could get out. I had to sit down before I crumbled. Every single emotion I had been feeling for the past almost 3 weeks came flooding back.

"Bella, baby, are you ok?"

The sound of him calling me _baby_ was all it took, and all of those emotions turned into just one…anger.

"AM. I. O.K. Really Jake?!?! REALLY?!? Am I fucking ok." I couldn't help but laugh. Then I took a deep breath, struggling to find my words. "Yes, Jacob, I am ok, if you had called me 3 weeks ago, or hell a few days ago, the answer to that question would have been no, but _now_, yes I am _ok_." I spat into the phone.

"Baby…" he started, but I interrupted.

"Do NOT call me baby, infact, don't call me anything. I don't exist in your world Jacob, I know this because _if_ I did…if I mattered at all to you, 3 weeks ago, I wouldn't have driven to your apartment at 7 am, to surprise you with breakfast, only to find it empty. Every single sign of you gone. No kiss goodbye, not phone call, no letter, hell not even a worn out speech about how we'd stay in touch and always be friends. You just left, and then you didn't even have the nerve to tell me, you had your brother send me an email. You are a coward Jake." I flashed back to the night with Edward in the restaurant.

"Bella, I really am sorry. I just…I just didn't know what to do with things. Our relationship was just so intense. Nothing is ever easy with you, it was hot and cold, you wanted me, then you'd push me away. And then, you were sick, and it was just crazy. We agreed to just be friends, I guess I didn't think you needed an explanation, I don't know what I thought, I guess…I just didn't think. I really am sorry Bella, I never wanted to hurt you." He really did sound sincere, but the way he pointed out all the ways _I _made things difficult, just made me angrier.

"Jacob Black, don't you dare…" I had to stop and breathe before continuing. "Don't you dare blame it on me. I am very aware that I am not an easy person to love. I know I'm damaged, and I know I'm complicated, and I even know that you dealt with a lot of things that you shouldn't have had to. But none of those things are an excuse for the way you just left me. I loved you, nothing…NOTHING, could make me intentionally hurt you. So don't you blame me because _you _weren't strong enough. I know it gets better than that. I know that there is a man here, who likes that I'm complicated, and who's willing to do whatever it takes and NOT run away!" I threw Edward in his face before I could stop myself.

The line was completely silent, I wasn't sure he was even still there. "Hello?" I asked.

"Wait, there's a _guy?_" I could hear the anger building in his voice. "You were so incredibly heart broken that it took you all of 3 weeks to move on. I admit I left, and that was wrong, but you're disgusting Bella." He said my name like just saying it burned his tongue.

"Oh give me a damn break, you think I didn't notice the way you and your neighbor were before you left, you think I didn't notice…" I stopped myself. "You know what it doesn't even matter, I don't owe you any apologies or explanations, _you _left me, and I was stuck here alone and hurting. So I don't owe you anything and I will not apologize for the ways I chose to fix what _you _broke. I'm getting myself together again, and if that _disgusts_ you, well then that's your problem, I'm actually pretty damn proud of myself for a change!!" I slammed my phone shut and almost threw it across the room as I fell to the ground sobbing, in hurt, but mostly in anger.

I tried to calm myself down some, and began fumbling through my phone, searching for Alice's usually easily found number, finally after two tires, I hit the send button.

"Hello!" Her happy voice sounded just like bells.

"Alice…" I couldn't finish, I just cried.


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh My God, Bella?!?" She screeched with concern. "What's wrong, did something happen with Edward?!"

"I just….I just…oh Alice…what a mess." My emotion wouldn't let me make any sense at all.

"Oh no, Bells! Don't move, I'll be right there!!" She hung up.

I don't know how long I sat there on the floor waiting for Alice, it felt like hours. I couldn't even think clearly, and poor Hendrix just lay on the floor whimpering, nudging me every so often. Every emotion I had ever felt in 26 years was spilling out, the tears and wails of anger and hurt just kept coming.

"BELLA??" Alice practically broke down my door. "Oh no baby, what happened??" She knelt beside me on the floor and stroked my hair.

"Jake called." I managed to get out between break downs.

"Oh sweetie, what did he say??"

"It doesn't even matter." I sat up and wiped the tears from my face.

"That great huh?" She said frowning, helping me wipe my soaked cheeks.

"We both just kind of exploded on each other. It's just such a mess…I love him. Every single part of me knows I shouldn't, it's a bad idea, and I'm just going to get hurt, but it doesn't matter…"

"Bells, of course you love him, you and Jake were together for 2 years, and you went through a lot together, you can't expect that love to go away, just because he did." She offered, trying to console me.

"No, Alice." I almost couldn't get the words out, I didn't want to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else! "Not Jake."

"Huh?!" Her whole face was distorted with confusion, until it finally hit her. "Oh Bells, noooo. You can't be serious? You don't even know Edward, you've known him for like 5 minutes!! No no, you don't love him." She screeched. Suddenly I felt like I was talking to my mother.

"You think I don't know how stupid it sounds? How completely impossible and all out insane?? Trust me, I know!! Ya know, at first I thought I could just blow it off as he was distracting me from Jake. But it's there, it's all I can feel, my whole body is buzzing with it." I shook my head, realizing how insane I sounded. "You know in those sappy love junk movies, where the cute couple kisses and there's fireworks and the whole world just falls into place? I've spent my whole life laughing at those movies, and at the stupid girls who really believed in that sort of crap. I'm one of those stupid girls, and I…it's not like anything I've ever had before Alice. When he kisses me, the whole world stops, nothing exists except for him and me. When I'm with him, everything is ok, he makes me smile down to my soul. I worry about him when we're not together, and I miss him the second he leaves. I don't know how, but I love him." I sighed in defeat. I couldn't deny how I felt anymore.

"Wow…I mean…well, just wow." She stuttered and shook her head in disbelief.

"Wow indeed!" I sunk my head into my hands.

"After that I need a drink" She laughed and gave me a hug. "And I know if _I_ need a drink, you damn well need one!! Go get a shower!!"

"Alliicceeee." I moaned.

"Bella Marie Swan, you know better than to argue with me. SHOWER." She pointed to my bathroom.

I hurried to get ready. I don't know how, but I felt great, that melt down was exactly what I needed, just to get it all out. I felt 100 lbs lighter. I was actually pretty excited. I knew we'd be going to the warehouse tonight. I had barely been there since Jake and I got together. But before that, after Billy left, the place was practically home. Granted, at the time I was really drinking way too much, but everyone there became my family. I even dated James from the usual Thursday and Saturday night band. I missed my friends.

"Ok this is as good as it's getting tonight." I stepped out of my bedroom, actually a bit self-conscious, it had been a long time since I had worn my "hot bar clothes."

Alice huffed. "I hate going out with you!"

"WHAT?! Why??" I asked shocked.

"You always look better than me…bitch." She glared at me trying not to smile.

"Oh shut up" I rolled my eyes. "Let's go!" I gave Hendrix a hug good-bye.

"Oh, I called Tanya while you were getting ready, she's coming too." Alice said as I locked the door behind us.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is just sort of a filler chapter, but it gives a little more of an idea about Bella's past as well. I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to review, I'd love to know what everyone is thinking!! Thank you **AmethystAngel7 **for your kind words!!**

It had never even occurred to me to insist on driving when we had gotten in Alice's car to leave. My excitement on going had made me completely forget what a nightmare of a driver she was. But it didn't matter, nothing could kill my mood. I was practically bouncing in my seat as we pulled in front of my favorite bar in the world, I couldn't wait to see everyone. It felt like an entire lifetime since I had been here last, but nothing had changed. It was the same rough looking hole in the wall warehouse, I adored it!

"You ok up there Bells?" Tanya asked laughing at my excitement.

"Perfect!" I smiled wildly.

I practically dragged both Alice and Tanya from the car to the door. We stepped in the inside, and I couldn't help but feel like I was home.

I was just paying my door charge to a bouncer I didn't recognize. He must be new I thought, when suddenly someone ripped my money out of his hand.

"Bella Swan's name is _always _at the door." A rough voice warned the bouncer.

I looked up shocked. I couldn't hold back my scream of excitement when I saw "the beast" smiling down at me. Ron was one of my favorite people in the whole world. He became almost like a father to me when I practically lived here. I couldn't count all the times he nursed me back to sobriety in the employee apartment upstairs. He always looked out for me, and kicked more than a few asses defending my _honor._ The beast was a nickname he had picked up years before I met him, mainly because well, he was pretty much a beast, on the outside anyway. He's easily 6'6" and not a pound less than 350, with a big scruffy biker goatee, and tattoos as far as the eye can see. But he's the poster child for "don't judge a book by it's cover." He was the biggest sweetest teddy bear I had ever met.

I jumped on him. "OH MY GOD!!! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!"

"I'm great girl! How are _you_? And just where the heck have you been??" He had me trapped in a bone crushing hug, spinning me around.

"Can't….breathe." He laughed and put me down. "I'm good. God I've missed you guys so much!!" I hugged him again.

"You better go see Mark and Cath, they're working the bar tonight. Mark is never gonna believe you're here." He laughed and pointed to the front bar.

"Fantastic, no cover. Now you see why I love this girl??" Alice joked to Tanya.

We made our way through the crowd and up to the bar.

"What are you girls having?" Mark, the owner/Saturday bartender asked without looking up.

"I'll take a Jager and OJ. Yes, I want them mixed together and I better get my damn extra quarter's worth of jager" I snapped back smiling. They had made fun of my favorite drink since the first night I ever ended up here, and I had bitched about the price of it every night since the first as well.

His head snapped up and he smiled hugely. "Well holy shit. SHE LIVES!!" He laughed running from around the bar to swoop me up in a huge hug! "MARY!!" he yelled to the girl behind the bar. "Go get Cath, tell her, she's never gonna believe who's here!!"

I laughed and squeezed him tightly. "It's so good to see you!!"

"Well, you too." He said obviously. "Where the hell have you been Bells?"

I sighed. "I dunno, I guess I just figured it was time to grow up a bit. Spend more time actually living life, and less time in a bar. I was horrible to not stop in and see you guys though, I'm really sorry about that."

"I don't need an apology, you know that, I'm just happy you're here, we've…" He was interrupted by a raspy female's voice.

"NO FUCKING WAY!!!" The round woman yelled from the kitchen doors hand on her hips. I laughed as she made her way over to me, and grabbed me away from Mark, pulling me into another hug. If Ron had been like my dad, Cath was definitely like my mom, she had been far better to me than my mother actually.

I actually started to tear up as I squeezed her back. "I missed you so much Cath." I whispered.

"Me too!" She smiled, and held be back from her looking me over. "You look good Bells. Where the fuck have you been??" You could always count on her to be straight to the point, and to swear enough to put any sailor to shame.

"Just getting myself together I guess."

She smiled. "Good. Welcome home honey." She put her arm around me and lead us back up to the bar.

Mark had made his way back behind and was starting our drinks. "I was just kidding, by the way, just give me a blue moon!"

"I don't think so Bells." He winked and slammed a shot of jager down in front of me. I groaned, apparently they weren't going to gentle about welcoming me back.

I eyed the shot, and decided maybe I could change the subject and weasel out of drinking it. "Who's your band tonight?" I asked, yelling above the growing crowd.

"It's Saturday Bella, The Jones Project of course. But they don't start until 11, so it's a DJ for about another hour." I smiled, 2 years later, and James and his band were still playing here every weekend. As if he had pulled his name from my thoughts, "I'm sure James will be happy to see you" Mark winked. Alice made a face, and pretended to gag, we all chuckled.

Cath was asking what Alice and Tanya wanted when Mark smiled at me. "If you think I'm forgetting about that shot Bells, you've lost your mind."

I sighed, obviously not going to win this one, grabbed the shot glass and threw it back. I winced at the taste. Oh god, how could I have ever thought this crap tasted good straight?

"Here, wash it down." Cath laughed, she had my jager and oj, Alice's crown and coke, and Tanya's Captain and Dr Pepper ready.

"How much?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Get out of here Bella."


	11. Chapter 11

~~Another boring filler chapter, sorry! But the next one will be good, promise! : )

"**We need to dance!!" Tanya and Alice both smiled back at me, practically dragging me away from the bar, to the dance floor.**

**The night was passing by in somewhat of an amazing blur. Mark and Cath made sure our drinks never got below half full before placing a fresh one on our table. Ron stood in the back ground, making sure no one bothered us. I can't say I felt like a different person, because I didn't, instead, I felt exactly like myself, laughing, dancing and drinking with two of my best friends is exactly what the old Bella would be doing.**

**The DJ had just stopped and the band was beginning to set up. Alice had gone to the restroom, Tanya was flirting with a couple of cute soldiers, and I decided to sit down, hoping the room would stop spinning!**

"**Drink up Bells." Alice bounced to my side and set another shot down in front of me.**

"**UGHH." I groaned. "Probably not a good idea."**

"**No you are not drunk already?? Really, I'm disappointed, you used to be able to hang!" Tanya laughed turning away from her cute soldiers for a minute.**

"**Yes, well apparently 2 are a lot in drinking years, I haven't had more than a few beers during a football game in over 2 years." And tonight, well I lost count after the 6th**** shot and 3****rd**** drink.**

"**Do you wanna go?" Alice asked, obviously disappointed.**

**The band was just starting. "No, no, no, I just need to sit for a few minutes, and drink a water, I'll be good as new! Go dance, have fun!" I waved for her and Tanya to go.**

"**I'll keep your friend company." One of Tanya's new friends offered as he sat down next to me.**

**Great! I thought to myself and rolled my eyes at Alice, she laughed as they all danced away.**

"**My name is Eric." He winked at me.**

**I smiled an uninterested smile. "Bella."**

"**It's nice to meet you Bella, do you come here often?" I tried to hide my laugh with a cough, but I was far to drunk to actually pull it off. He looked at me seeming kind of offended.**

"**Oh umm." I let one more chuckle out before I could continue. "Not really." I smiled, still not believing he actually used that worn out line.**

**He scooted closer obviously not offended enough to be deterred from hitting on me. Automatically, I leaned as far away and my chair would allow. "Can I get you another drink?" He asked, hopeful.**

**I had intended to grab my glass of water to show him I was good, unfortunately, I was a little off the mark, and knocked over 3 of my almost empty glasses still on the table. We both jumped up, trying not to get soaked. I laughed, I could feel my face burning, bright red from embarrassment. "Obviously, I'm good. I'm really sorry about your pants."**

**He laughed. "Really, it's fine." He casually placed his hand on the small of my back. This was no good, he obviously didn't give up easily, and me allowing him to have his arm around me would definitely not give off the right impression. But I didn't know how to move his hand without seeming rude.**

**As if they could read my mind, Alice and Tanya came dancing back to our table. Alice quickly bounced to my side, slyly pushing Eric away. She winked at me, she had been my best friend since I moved here, it must have been easy for her to read the awkwardness on my face. I could always count on her to save me. I put my arm around her and squeezed.**

"**So, Alice and I were just trying to figure out if we should stay here or head to rumors." Tanya suggested. Rumors was the only actual dance club that this town had to offer.**

"**Oh I dunno if I'm up for it guys. I think I've had more than enough!" I stumbled a bit, as if to prove my point.**

"**Really?" Tanya pouted.**

"**I'm sorry." I smiled at her apologetically. "But you guys should definitely go, I'll just get a cab home, it's no big deal!"**

"**Yeah, like we're going to make you take a cab the whole way back to Pembrook Bella" Alice rolled her eyes. "We of course will take you home before we go."**

"**No no, that's totally out of your way, really, I don't mind taking a cab." I protested.**

**Eric found his way back to my side. "Actually, I was just leaving after this beer" He lifted his bottle to show it was half empty "I have to go back to post anyway, Pembrook is right by gate 3, I can take Bella home."**

**My face dropped. I was just about to do my best Oscar winning performance, and fake the set in of my second wind, ready to head to the next bar with my girls, but before I could open my mouth a strong arm wrapped around my waste.**


	12. Chapter 12

"I'll make sure Bella gets home safely." Everyone quickly looked behind me in shock, everyone except for me. I didn't have to look, I would have known that perfect velvet voice anywhere. I squeezed his arm before turning to smile at him. "If that's ok with you of course." He winked, and there was my grin.

"Umm, no…I mean." I shook my head. "Yes, that is ok with me." I blushed, praying everyone was chalking my inability to form a sentence up to the alcohol.

"Excellent." He smiled.

"Hi! I'm Alice, and you _must _be Edward." Alice looked him over and glared.

"Uh, yes. Nice to meet you." I could see he was trying to fight back laughing at my tiny best friend doing her best to be intimidating.

I stomped on her foot when no one was looking. "Edward, would you mind getting me a beer? I guess I can have one more, so you can meet everyone." I smiled.

"Of course. What kind are ya drinking?"

"Blue Moon." I smiled and he turned towards the bar.

"Alice!! You WILL be nice to him!!"

She just rolled her eyes.

"What is your problem?" I grabbed her arm to make her look at me.

"Ugh. Nothing Bella, just you and your scruffy gross tattooed men."

"He's gross?? Are you kidding me Alice?" I turned to look at Edward standing in the bar, yep, still gorgeous as ever!

"He's not ugly Bells. He's just not the proper kind of hot." Her face was softer now.

"What the hell does that mean?!"

"It means that he would have been hot 6yrs ago. You're almost 27 years old, you've graduated college, you have a house, you have a career. I mean I could see it if you were 21 and just looking for some fling. Seriously Bella, what are you guys gonna do, run a tattoo shop together and hit up the coffee shops on the weekends for open mic night?"

I love Alice very much, but right then, just in that moment, I hated her. She could be so judgmental and shallow. "Well I guess we _could_ do that, or maybe when he gets out of the army he'll get a job using his degree from MIT, or maybe he'll just go back to writing computer software like he did before the army." I spat at her. But I have to admit, even I was a little shocked when he told me those things about himself.

"MIT?" She asked shocked.

I just nodded.

"Ughh Ok, I'm sorry. I'm a horrible friend, and I'm sure he's a nice guy. I just love you, and I want good things for you. I'll be nice I promise!" She smiled, and I hugged her, almost knocking us both over. We erupted with laughter.

"Ya sure ya want this beer??" Edward interrupted raising an eyebrow at me and Alice.

"Shut up! Yes!" I hugged him.

"The guy behind the bar is bringing over everyone else a drink too, I figured I'd just get everyone one while I was up there." He looked back to the bar. I smiled, aww he was trying to win over my friends!!

Alice sighed, she hated being wrong. "So, I was rude before, and so I'm sorry. It's the jager, it makes me mean!" She laughed.

"No worries." He grinned back at her.

I finished my beer quickly, as much as I was enjoying watching Edward laugh and have fun with my friends, I wanted to be alone with him. I wanted to kiss him, to smell him, to just be with him.

I nudged him, and whispered in his ear. "I'm ready when you are."

"Well, it was really nice to meet everyone, but I think I should probably get Bella home." He smiled at everyone and stood up. Embarrassingly enough, he had to help me up, apparently that last beer was one too many.

He held me up as I stumbled my way threw the crowd. I gave Ron one last hug and then practically fell out of the door. Edward of course caught me, but couldn't hold back a laugh. I glared at him, and smoothed my hair. I had made it half way through the parking lot where I suddenly stopped. There was his monstrosity of a jeep. I was barely able to get in that thing earlier when I was sober. Crap how the hell am I gonna pull this off?!? I thought in panic.

"Bella what's wrong?? Are you gonna be sick?" his face was covered in concern.

I shook my head. "Umm…no."

He laughed. "Then what's wrong?"

I pointed to his jeep. "Edward, _that _is not a good vehicle for drunk people." I'm sure the serious horrified look on my face was hilarious.

"Don't worry love, I'll help you." He pulled me over to the jeep.

He was just about to lift me into the passenger side when I looked up and caught his perfect green eyes. I didn't even think about it, it was automatic. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face to mine. Kissing him was like nothing I've ever experienced. Waves were crashing, fireworks popping, I actually thought I was going to faint, at least this time I could blame it on the alcohol. His lips began moving more urgently with mine, he pushed me into the jeep and lifted me slightly. I let out a sigh, God I never wanted him to stop kissing me like this. Of course I had to curse myself with that thought!

He sat me back on the ground, pried my arms from around his neck. And then there was my grin. "Isabella Swan, are you trying to make out with me??"

Instantly I could feel my cheeks on fire. "Shut up!!" I rolled my eyes and turned to attempt to crawl into the jeep. Thankfully he spared me and lifted me gently into the seat.

We made it about half way, but I was quickly realizing, the size wasn't the only reason this jeep was bad for drunk people, it was sort of the same effect as shaking up a soda can.

I groaned. "Oh god…STOP!!"

"Shit!" He yelled pulling to the side of the road.

I immediately jumped out, he was around to my side in just a few seconds stroking my back. The night air felt so good on my face, I didn't feel sick anymore. I couldn't feel anything at all, except for how badly I wanted him. I wrapped my arms around his neck again, and began kissing him like my entire life depended on it. He moaned but pulled me away quickly. I stomped my foot in frustration, like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum.

His whole body shook with laughter. "Did you seriously just stomp your foot at me?!"

"YES I did, is there a particular reason why you seem horrified at my kissing you tonight?!" I whined.

He chuckled again. "Babe, as much as I'd like to stand here and allow you to attack me all night long, I'm afraid if we stay here much longer we're both gonna end up in the drunk tank! We should get you home."

I sighed and pouted…he was right.

"Help please" I turned to the jeep, not even going to attempt it by myself anymore.

He swiftly had us both inside and took off again.

"Hopefully, you're still not paranoid about being cut up into little bits, and plan to tell me where you life. Unless of course you don't mind spending the night in my small barracks room." He grinned over at me.

"Huh?" I was focusing very hard on not passing out so he had caught me off guard for a minute. "Oh…yeah. Right on Pembrook, follow it to Plantation Estates on your left. Take the first right, and then the 5th house on your left."

The rest of the ride home was quiet, but he kept his arm around me, softly playing with my hair.


	13. Chapter 13

I must have passed out because I woke up to him carrying me to my door. I smiled and hugged him closer.

"There's a key, above the frame." He found the key, unlocked the door, carried me inside and laid me on my couch.

He looked around, nervously. "You're house is nice."

"Thank you." I smiled, watching him run his hand through his messy yet sexy bronze hair for at least the 5th time. I didn't think it was possible, but seeing him unsure like this made me want him even more. I don't know how to explain it, just something about how confident and strong he is with everything he does, and yet there's something about me that breaks through all of that. "Could you do me a huge favor, and let Hendrix out, and just pour a cup of food in his bowl, it's in the kitchen?"

"Yeah sure!" He seemed relieved to have an escape from the awkwardness.

While he took care of Hendrix, I took the chance to go change into my Pjs. It took me longer than usual, almost falling every two feet, and laughing at myself each time. I had only managed to get a tank top on when my bedroom door opened.

He stepped in. "Bella?"

"Umm…yeah!" I jumped. He looked over to my closet, realized I was barely dressed and I swear I thought his eyes would have completely fallen out of his head.

"OH SHIT!! I'm so sorry Bella." He quickly turned around covering his face.

I laughed, it was nice to see _him _be the one embarrassed for a change. "It's ok Edward." I walked over to him, took his hand and turned him to face me. I think it was the way the light was barely shining into my dark bedroom, and it caught his face just right. I actually gasped as I looked up at him, I never imagined his eyes could have been more beautiful, but they were. "You're sort of beautiful you know." I smiled and traced my fingers along the side of his face.

He laughed. "Now I _know _you're drunk." The nerves set back in. "Umm, I was just coming to tell you I was gonna take off. I'll call you in the morning to make sure you're ok.

I gently pulled his face to mine, and kissed his lips softly. "What if I want you to stay?"

"I don't know Bella…I mean, it's just…" I grabbed his hand and pulled him along to my bed.

I climbed in and sat up on my knees, pulled him closer by his shirt, and kissed him again. "Please." I whispered into his lips.

He moaned and leaned into my kiss, causing me to lay back onto my bed. I closed my eyes, it was exactly my fantasy from earlier today at the lake. His strong arms were bracing him above me. He ran his lips slowly up my jaw, down my neck and across my collarbone, his kisses barely touching my skin. I gasped, this was the most perfect feeling in the world. He found my mouth again and slowly parted my lips with his tongue. I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling him closer. He broke away, and made his way back down my neck, placing light kisses all across my chest. I slid his shirt off, and slowly traced my fingernails down every muscle on his back.

"God Bella, that feels amazing." He moaned, pressed his hips passionately into mine, letting his lips continue to dance around my collarbone and neck.

I took in a ragged breath, and whispered. "I love you Edward."

I felt his entire body stiffen, he gave me one last soft kiss before standing up. I couldn't believe those words actually came out of my mouth. DAMN THAT LAST BEER!!! I shouted in my head!

"Edward wait, please don't go. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I don't want you to go." I looked down nervously.

"Bella this isn't right, you're drunk, and this just…it shouldn't happen like this." He shook his head.

"Don't go, I want you, I want to feel you, I want it like I've never wanted anything." I pulled him close again, kissing his chest. "I shouldn't have said that, just, please stay." I pleaded.

He sighed and kissed my forehead. "I will stay, but nothing more…not like this."

If his perfect body laying next to me, and his arms wrapped around me while I slept was all I could have, well then I would take it gladly.

I smiled and pulled him back into bed with me. He folded his arms tightly around me, and I fell asleep, happier in that moment, than I could remember ever having been in my entire life.


	14. Chapter 14

_**I groaned to consciousness the next morning. OH GOD MY HEAD!! I thought, barely opening my eyes. I felt around my bed, I was fairly positive Edward had spent the night, but it was just me tangled in the covers. Maybe it was just a really great dream, I pouted to myself, unwilling to give anything more thought, my head was freaking killing me, all I wanted was to just go back to sleep and not wake up until tomorrow.**_

"_**OH you've got to be kidding me!" I moaned to myself. I could hear Hendrix running around the house and barking. Ugh the poor guy probably needed to go out, I had to get up. I groaned again, before stepping out of bed. Whoa! The world was still spinning, I stumbled a few steps before steadying myself. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I thought to myself as I stumbled out of my bedroom and halfway through the living room, still not willing to open my eyes.**_

"_**GOOD MORNING!!" A far too cheerful, smooth voice boomed from my couch! My eyes shot open, he had nearly scared me to death!**_

"_**You're entirely too…awake**_** this morning." I grumbled.**

"**Yes well, that's probably because I'm not the one who drank an entire bottle of jager and case of beer last night." He laughed and jumped off my couch.**

**I winced at the memory. "UGHHH…coffee….and Advil." I continued to stumble to the kitchen. He chuckled and followed behind me.**

**I was measuring out the water for my coffee, he came up beside me and leaned against the counter.**

**I could see humor dancing in his eyes before he even spoke. "So, I was just wondering…I mean, figure maybe I should prepare myself if this morning I'm still what you want more than anything else in this entire world." He exaggerated the words I barely remembered speaking last night.**

**I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to disappear. Oh god, if there was no other, then my huge mouth and horribly embarrassing honesty was surely a reason to never take another drink in my life.**

"**Shut up Edward!!" I chocked out.**

**He was trying very hard to hide the laughter and keep a straight face. "Well I mean it only seems fair, if you're going to continue to attack me and try to steal my virtue, I should at least get a fair warning."**

"**Oh god, I hate you!" I groaned, trying to hide my smile.**

"**Oh no Bella, you said so yourself, you don't hate me, you loooovvveeeee me." His whole body was shaking with laughter as he mocked my voice.**

**NO!!! I couldn't have!! I mean I know I was drunk, but I wouldn't have told him that?! Oh God no! I tried to replay last night in my head, but so much had been washed away by the alcohol. I remembered confessing it to Alice, but surely I wouldn't have told him. CRAP! Me begging him to stay, and apologizing for what I had said suddenly came back to me. CRAP! **

"**Yes well, I love **_**everyone **_**when I'm drunk." I made my way back to the living room, coffee in hand, praying he would buy my desperate attempt to cover for my stupid declaration last night. He followed behind me and sat down on the couch after I had.**

**All his laughter had stopped, and the silence became awkward. I tried to read his face, but wasn't having much luck. I thought he looked disappointed, but couldn't fathom why. I wrapped up in my favorite warm fuzzy blanket and turned on the TV, hoping to cut through the silence and give my face a chance to return to a normal color.**

"**So does…" he hesitated obviously deciding whether or not to finish. "Does that mean, you didn't mean it?"**

**CRAP!! I groaned. "I don't say **_**that**_** unless I mean it…even when I'm drunk." What the hell did I just do?!? I screamed to myself!!**

**He smiled "Good."**

**Are you freaking kidding me?!?!? I confirm that I do infact love him, and he says **_**good**_**. Well if that isn't ego crushing, I'm not really sure what is. Oh well, I guess I'd rather that then him say it if he didn't mean it. I sighed to myself.**

"**So I think you should tell me more about Bella." **

"**Uh yeah I don't think so!" I laughed. "I've done nothing but talk since I met you!! It's easily your turn!" My face flushed. "Start with you umm…last name?"**

"**So, you love a man and you didn't even ask his last name. You're going about all of this quite backwards don't you think?" He winked. "It's Cullen. Edward Robert Cullen."**

**I grinned. **_**Isabella Marie Cullen.**_** Great! I'm 13! What 26 year old woman actually does that?! **

**I shook those thoughts from my head. "Well ok, Mr. Cullen, there are lots of chapters for you to fill in."**

"**Which would you like to know about?"**

**I smiled to myself. "Tell me about your ex girlfriends. All the gory details, that will make me loathe them!"**

**He chuckled. "You mean my ex girlfrienD" emphasizing the singular.**

"**Are you seriously trying to tell me you've only had **_**one**_** girlfriend…ever." I eyed him doubtfully.**

"**That is exactly what I'm telling you." he leaned over, laying his head on my stomach.**

"**You're going to have to explain that to me." I ran my fingers through his soft hair.**

"**Shy remember."**

"**Not buying it." I rolled my eyes.**

**He sighed, as if wishing I would just let it go. "I've not always been this guy Bella. If I were a girl, I wouldn't have dated me. I'm positive you wouldn't have even spoken to me, if I were that same guy."**

"**What was so different, I mean what could have been so bad?" I asked, million things running through my head.**

"**Does it really matter?"**

"**Well, no, I mean I guess not."**

"**Ok then, next question."**

**I sighed, why couldn't I do that when he was prying at me!? "When did you break up? How long were you together?"**

"**Hmm, I guess we were together for about 4 years, on and off. And we split up shortly after basic training."**

"**That's a long time to be with someone."**

"**Too long."**

"**So I guess it wasn't a good break-up?"**

**He laughed. "Relationships that horrible, hardly ever end well."**

"**What was so bad about it?"**

"**We were just poison for each other. Her bad habits fed mine, and mine hers. I'd play a show, we'd get drunk, have sex, then she'd shoot up and I'd leave. It was like that movie groundhog day, only it lasted for 4 years."**

**I was shocked at how casually he talked about those things. "Well, why'd you guys finally break up?"**

**He hesitated for a minute. "I came home after basic, I had gone out with a few friends, when I came home, she was fucking my best friend."**

"**Oh god, wow, I'm sorry."**

**He grinned. "It's ok."**

"**Well, what was her reason?" I felt like I was interrogating him, he wasn't giving me much of anything.**

"**I really have no idea."**

"**Well, what about your friend?"**

"**No clue." **

"**Huh?" I was confused.**

"**I walked into the apartment, saw them, and turned around and walked right back out. Never talked to or saw either of them again."**

"**Wow…not even your friend?"**

"**Especially not him." He sat up. "I value almost nothing above loyalty in people. If I can't trust you, I have no use for you. You see this tattoo?" He pointed to his left forearm. "It's Latin, it means **_**for family, anything.**_** I guess it's not too different from your pop's saying. But my dad was the only real family I ever had, my mom is a flake. My friends became my family. There isn't a single one of them I wouldn't give up my life for. All I ask for in return, is the same. I don't judge anyone, everyone starts at the same place with me, if you just sit back and watch, people show you who they really are, and once you know that, there shouldn't ever be a need for a second chance."**

**I was shocked at how cold he seemed, how unwilling to bend. Could he really see no grey area? People make mistakes. His ability to just write people off horrified me. The last thing I need is another man turning their back and walk away like Jake did. I tried to keep the worry off my face but I obviously failed.**

"**What are you thinking?" He lightly touched my face.**

"**Nothing…I mean, I dunno. It's just, I'm trying very hard not to be that girl who gets way too attached way too quickly. But I guess the whole **_**I love you**_** grossness kind of blew that out of the water." I rolled my eyes at myself. "I just don't want you to walk away, I don't want to never hear from you again. I give second chances, and there isn't a lot you could do that I wouldn't forgive you almost instantly for, so it scares me that you wouldn't do the same." I looked down, praying for once my body wouldn't betray me and I could keep from crying. **

**Yep, go figure, EPIC fail. The tears were streaming now. He wiped them away, as quickly as they came. "Bella, I'm not your ex boyfriend, or your ex fiancé, or anyone else who's hurt you. I'm here. I don't write people off easily, cheating and lying aren't things I can forgive, other than that, I don't walk away easily."**

"**You're not my ex boyfriend, and you're not my ex fiancé, so what **_**are**_** you?"**

**He looked at me confused. "What do you mean?"**

**I groaned…UGH does he not know I'm not good at this crap!! We might as well be in 3rd**** grade again…**_**will you be my boyfriend? Check yes or no.**_** Gross!! "I mean what are we, are we friends, or are we more."**

**He sighed and pulled me closer. "I don't know. I would love to be your boyfriend Bella, I really would. It just doesn't make much sense, you know I'm leaving soon. Friends kind of seems like our only option."**

**I pulled away from him, stood up, and walked outside onto my back deck, praying he wouldn't follow. I could feel every part of me coming undone. He had just given me that speech about how he was different and he was here. What crap. "What the hell is wrong with me?!?" I groaned out loud. I couldn't hold back the emotion anymore, my sobs were rocking my entire body, thankfully I had the railing to hold myself up. I heard the back door open, that just made my sobs harder. I didn't want him to see what he was able to do to me. For the first time since I met him, I just wanted him to disappear.**

"**Bella, please don't cry." He hesitated behind me.**

"**Just leave Edward!!" I shouted.**

"**I never meant to hurt you Bella, I swear I didn't." He reached out for me.**

"**DO NOT TOUCH ME!" I slapped his hand away. "You didn't mean to hurt me?? What crap Edward, what exactly did you intend on doing then?! Why couldn't you have just let me alone???"**

"**Bella, I…" He started but I interrupted.**

"**Just don't…I already know. You were just being nice, you saw a girl who was upset and you were just being nice. I was the stupid one who took it farther, I am the stupid one who let myself go too far. Why do I always do this??" I was talking to myself more than to him now. "I fall in love with these men, I fall too hard and too fast, and this is what happens, every time. What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't anyone ever just love me back, why don't they ever want me back…" My sobs wouldn't let me continue.**

**I didn't even have time to react, his lips were crashing into mine. I tried to push him away, but it wasn't long until I surrendered, tangling my hands in his hair, pulling him closer…he could never be close enough. With that, he swept me up in one quick motion, carrying me inside to my bed. He laid me down gently, and quickly slid the shirt off of his back.**

"**Edward…" I started, no matter how much I wanted him, I was sure this would be a bad idea for my heart later.**

**He kissed my lips softly. "Shh" His lips moved from my mouth, up my jaw, down my neck, and then back up to my ear. "Don't ever think I don't want you Bella." He whispered softly, before continuing with his soft kisses.**

**I helped him slide my shirt off. He laid a gentle trail of kisses and touches from my collar bone to between my breasts. He kissed around each of them softly before letting my right nipple slip into his mouth, while massaging the other with his slightly shaking hand. I arched my back towards him and sighed with pleasure. His hand made it's way down, finding my leg, wrapping it around him. His tongue laid a sensual path down my stomach, leaving goose bumps across my entire body. He stopped to deliver one small kiss at the edge of my pajama pants resting low on my hips, before swiftly removing them. My naked body shivered adjusting to the cold room.**

**I pulled his body back up, my lips found his, our tongues tangled lightly before I pulled away. "I want you" I sighed with a ragged breath.**

**His answering grin stopped my heart. God how I wanted him. "Not yet love." With that, he pulled away, and began once again dancing down my body with his tongue, causing me to tremble in delight with every sensual touch. **

**Anxiety and desire knotted in my stomach as his fingers delicately stroked my inner thigh. A loud moan of pure pleasure escaped my throat as his tongue found my center. He flicked and swirled his tongue lightly, his hand making it way up to cup my breast and his fingers gently kneading my nipple. **

**With one hand I grasped for headboard, desperately needing to hold on to something to keep me from falling over the edge. "Oh, Edward, please don't stop" I sighed, tangling my other hand into his hair.**

**Encouraged by my pleading, he increased the pressure in all the right places, while sliding two fingers deep inside of me. I bit my lip, trying to stop my head from spinning, but I couldn't hold on any longer. An orgasm raged through my body, shaking me to the core.**

**My body fell limp on the bed, his name escaped my lips in a low purr. I laid there in pure ecstasy with my eyes closed until I felt his hands release me. **

**He sat up to take off his pants, revealing all of his perfect body. I reached for him, not being able to stand our bodies not touching any longer.**

**He found his spot, strong arms holding him above me. I couldn't imagine another place he fit so perfectly than here with me. His breathing was ragged now as he nestled his head into my neck. "Are you sure?" He whispered.**

"**Please" I panted as I snaked my legs around his hips, locking them on his lower back, pulling him closer.**

**With one strong, yet gentle thrust he was inside of me. Pleasure tore through my entire body, my hand wrapped tightly around his muscular arms, causing my nails to dig deeply into the beautiful art work that covered them. I knew it must have hurt, but he didn't seem to mind. His head tilted back and froze inside of me, a low moan boomed from his throat. He bent to kiss my eye lids, my forehead, my nose, and lips while picking up a long, slow, and perfect rhythm. **

**It was like he could read my mind, every moan, he picked up on, and adjusted to my body perfectly. I was quickly losing all control. "Edward?" I asked as a question, almost as if I was trying to be sure this wasn't all a dream.**

"**Yes love, I'm right here." he smiled, and brought his lips gently to mine.**

**That's all it took, something about the sound of his voice, and his perfect eyes gazing into mine. My body unraveled and I erupted beneath him, grasping his arms tighter than before. He took a sharp gasp of air, moaned intensely as my body shook and vibrated around him, and with one last thrust, harder than the rest, he collapsed breathlessly on top of me.**

**We laid there softly caressing each other, just enjoying the contact before he rolled to his side. Laying there with him, face to face, with his perfect green eyes all but took my breath away.**

**He smiled softly before he spoke. "Do you love me Bella?"**

"**Con tutto mia cuore. Per sempre"**

**He didn't question what that meant, he just pulled me close. I took in a deep breath letting his scent wash over me. I closed my eyes, lost in our perfect moment and drifted to sleep in his arms.**


	15. Chapter 15

**I sat straight up in bed, panic completely overwhelmed me as I searched my bed in the darkness for him. Nothing. He was gone. My heart sank, he had snuck out in the middle of the night. God I'm such an idiot. Of course he was gone, who falls in love in a damn week, he got what he wanted, I'd probably never hear from him again. Tears filled my eyes. "Edward." I whispered.**

"**Yeah babe!" I jumped. What?!?**

"**Edward??" I asked my eyes searching for him.**

**My bathroom door swung open and his head popped out, toothbrush still in his mouth. What the hell was he doing?! He ducked back into my small bathroom, obviously getting the toothpaste out of his mouth because when he looked back out the toothbrush was gone. I was squinting trying to be sure I wasn't dreaming, my eyes trying to adjust to the bright lights coming from my tiny bathroom.**

"**I'm sorry babe, I tried to be quiet so I wouldn't wake you."**

"**Edward, it's 4 in the freaking morning, what the hell are you doing??"**

**He looked at me, seeming shocked at my confusion. "I have to be at PT by 5, I still have to get on post, and swing by my barracks room."**

"**Oh…PT right." I rolled my eyes and laughed at myself. Of course he was up at 4 am, he's one of the green people. I'd have to get over this, he wasn't Jake and he wasn't just going to disappear if I looked away for too long.**

**He sat down on the edge of the bed, and leaned down to give me a light kiss. "Go back to sleep beautiful."**

**I sighed. "I love you."**

**He grinned. "Stop giving me reasons to not get back out of this bed. I've only got a couple months left, I can't get kicked out of the army now." I groaned as he stood up to leave. "Call me when you're done with work. Sweet dreams." He kissed me again before he left.**

**I practically danced into the bank that morning. I was almost to my office when I caught Alice eyeing me suspiciously. I smiled huge at her before disappearing into my door. Just as expected, I had barely set my purse down when she came charging through the door.**

"**Looks like **_**someone**_** had a good weekend." She glared, trying to hide her smile.**

"**Really? Who? Did Tanya meet someone new?" I said casually as I sat down and turned on my computer.**

"**Shut up you whore and tell me everything!!" She practically jumped into the chair in front of my desk.**

"**Oh Alice." I sighed not being able to keep it to myself anymore. "It was perfect, he's perfect!!!" **

"**AHHHH" she squealed. "What happened!?!"**

"**Have you ever made love?" **

"**Ok seriously, I've been with Jasper for 4 years and you're asking me if I've had sex?"**

"**No, not sex. I didn't even realize there was a difference. I mean yeah some times were more passionate and intimate than others blah blah blah, but not like this Alice. He made love to me. It was connecting on an entirely different level. He touched me slowly, and he kissed me and God I can't even explain it, nothing…nothing has ever came close to that." I leaned my head on my hands and sighed, just like every stupid chick from every stupid sappy love junk movie I've always hated.**

"**Wow, you're really serious about this aren't you?"**

**I just nodded.**

"**Bella, I love you, and I'm so glad to see you like this. I don't mean to bring you down, but don't you think you need to be a bit more realistic about this?"**

"**Are you serious?! Didn't we already have this conversation at the bar Saturday night????" **

"**That's not what I meant. I mean, am I convinced that someone like **_**that**_** is who you should be with, no. But that's not my place, you have to decide that. I was talking about him leaving. You said he was ETSing soon. What happens then?"**

**I could have sworn nothing could kill my mood today, I was wrong. "I don't know."**

"**Well, have you brought it up?"**

"**No, he did though." My heart ached remembering that conversation.**

"**Ok. So what did he say about it."**

"**He said we were friends, and that it didn't make much sense to be more with him leaving." It took all I had not to break down at the thought of him being gone.**

"**Oh Bells, see that's what I mean. Here you are in love with him, and he thinks you're just friends. Don't you dare tell him how you feel."**

"**Too late."**

"**Bella you didn't!!!" Her mouth fell open.**

"**I was drunk Alice! Do you think I would have done that on purpose?!"**

"**Well, what did he say?!"**

"**He didn't seem to mind."**

"**Of course he didn't mind!!" She shook her head at me "Oh what a mess you've got yourself into!!"**

"**Who are you tellin'" I mumbled.**

**She just looked at me for a minute biting her lip. "Oh god what Alice??" I couldn't stand that look anymore.**

"**Well, have you heard any more from Jake?"**

"**No, thank god! You know I'd never want anything bad to happen to him, but right now, I'm loving the idea of a 6 month deployment. The time to just let things blow over is a freakin' god send."**

"**Yeah so about that…" He face wrinkled with apology.**

"**Shut up, what?!?"**

"**Well you know Jasper's been rear d First Sgt since the guys have been gone because of his ankle."**

"**Yeah…"**

"**Well, yesterday he got a call from Cpt. Marks. The guys are only going to be gone another month."**

"**Perfect." I let my head fall face first into my desk.**

"**I'm sorry Bells. Look I have to run or Tim is going to be screaming at me all day again. I'm sorry, I just figured you should know so you wouldn't be shocked. I'll come see you at lunch ok?"**

"**Yep, ok." I couldn't even pull my head off the desk to smile at her as she left.**

**What the hell happened, to dancing around the room, singing sappy love songs, and being more happy than anyone in the world had the right to be?! How could my day have turned around so completely. The only man in the world I want is leaving, and the only man I desperately DO NOT want to see is coming home. I swear I must have murdered hundreds of little babies in my past life, that could be the only explanation for the crap my life has handed to me!**

**I was snapped back to life my Angela calling to me that my first appointment was here. "Let's just get this day over with!" I mumbled to myself.**

**Thankfully, the day passed rather uneventful. Everything was pretty routine. Alice came back at lunch, and she was her usual best friend self, distracting me with petty office gossip and anything else to keep my mind from all the craziness. I sighed a breath of relief as I locked my office door to head home for the day. In just a few hours, I could be with Edward again, and nothing else would matter. No matter what had gone wrong today, with that thought, nothing could keep the smile from spreading across my face.**


	16. Chapter 16

**~~This chapter really should have probably been part of the last, but I was having issues adding it to the end. Enjoy!! Please review and let me know what you're thinking!! Thanks :o)**

My eyes never left my feet as I crossed the parking lot, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I just wanted to get in my car and have today over. I was just about to my car when there something that was nothing short of a miracle swooping in to save me from "woe is me" overload.

"Rough day love?" His velvet voice was the sweetest and most welcome sound I've ever heard.

I quickly looked up, no chance of hiding the embarrassingly huge smile that spread across my face. I sighed. "You really have no idea."

He pushed away from my car where he was leaning, and wrapped his arms around me. God it should be illegal for a man to smell this good…to feel this good. The stress and bad mood melted away from my body as I pressed myself into his chest.

"Wanna talk about it?" He tilted my head up to look at him and kissed my forehead.

"Not even a little bit." I didn't need to talk about it. Truth be told, I couldn't even remember it. Nothing else mattered, all that mattered was this, this exact moment. When he was holding me everything else in the world disappeared. "You're done playing GI Joe early today?"

"A little. I'm kind of in the background since I'm getting out and all. I'm in and out all day doing out processing stuff. However, I did leave a little early today. We're going to Nashville." He smiled.

"Nashville?" I asked curiously as I opened my trunk to pile my things in.

"Yeah, there's this band I want you to hear. And I figured I could take you to dinner, perhaps it won't end with you screaming at me this time." He winked.

I laughed, it seemed impossible that, that had been just over a week ago, everything changed so quickly. "Uh oh." I teased.

"What???" He asked nervously.

"If you're picking the band we're seeing, should I bring earplugs?"

"You're hilarious Bella…really." He rolled his eyes. "I think you'll like these guys, they're pretty mellow. Trust me." It was the way he said those words _trust me_, he wasn't just talking about the band.

I smiled. "I do." I didn't know how it was possible, but I knew it was true, I _did _trust him.

"Good." He kissed me. I'm sure it was just a simple kiss for him, but my head was spinning. "Let's get movin!"

"Maybe we should stop by the house, so I can change first?" I suggested pointing out my pin stripe slacks and heels.

He looked down for a second, he almost looked embarrassed. "Actually, and if this bothers you, just tell me, I won't do it again. I stopped by your house on the way here, and picked up some clothes for you, I figured you'd want to change. Your house is just a little out of the way so I figured it would sav…." I interrupted his adorable rambling.

"It's ok Edward, I don't mind." I touched his arm and smiled.

"Good." He sighed, relieved. "I let Hendrix out, fed him and all too." He called back to me as he walked over to his jeep, opening the door and pulling out a pile of clothes.

"Thorough" I smiled, walking over to meet him. I was dying to see what clothes he had picked.

I sifted quickly through the clothes, chuckling at the things he had picked. "Ya know, I've had guys pick out things for me to wear on dates before, but I can honestly say, out of my entire closet, overstuffed with clothes, they've never chosen a tank top and old holey jeans." I held up what was possibly the oldest pair of jeans I owned, dating back to my senior year in college, and a deep red tank top.

He grinned, I stopped breathing, that was becoming pretty standard. "Yes, well, how many tattooed punk rockers have you been out with?"

"Good point." I chuckled.

"And red looks amazing on you." he softly touched my face.

I thought back over every outfit I had worn each time we had gone out, and couldn't remember anything red.

"Huh? How do you know that?"

"The first night at the coffee shop, you were wearing a red sweater. Tell me you didn't notice how I reacted to you?"

I blushed, and felt my heart swell, he remembered what I was wearing the first time he saw me. I had to be dreaming this man could not be real!

"I just figured you thought I was crazy, and were a little afraid." I laughed, hoping my face would return to a normal shade sometime soon.

He touched the blush on my cheeks. "You, like always, were breath taking."

BREATHE BELLA! BREATHE! I chanted to myself.

"I should go get changed so we can go." I tripped over my feet and would have fallen if he hadn't caught me as I turned to go back into the bank. I could hear him still laughing as I walked inside.


	17. Chapter 17

"**I hope you know I'm driving." I joked as I stopped at his side, realizing he was paying me no attention at all, he was too busy eyeing my car.**

"**This is a really nice car." **

"**Umm, yeah it's ok I guess, if you're in to total over the top nonessentials." I personally thought the thing was ridiculous.**

"**Are you kidding me?? This is a Mercedes S65 AMG with a 6.0, V12 twin turbo. You realize this car does 0 to 60 in just over 4 seconds?!?" He might as well have been drooling.**

"**Blah blah blah, are you ready to go?" I climbed into the drivers seat.**

**He excitedly jumped into the passenger side, only excited about checking out what other features my car had no doubt. **

"**So do you have a drug smuggling enterprise on the side or something that I should know about?" He asked grinning.**

"**What are you talking about??"**

"**Well I'm just trying to figure out how an accountant affords **_**this **_**car."**

"**I didn't. My pop did." I rolled my eyes at how pop refused to take the stupid car back.**

"**Well, you definitely picked out a good one!" He said stroking the dash. Seriously?? I'm pretty sure he didn't even touch me that lovingly.**

"**Oh, no, I did not pick this thing! I was perfectly content with my rusty trusty VW passat. When it finally died, all I wanted was maybe a slightly newer, slightly less used reincarnation." I sighed, I missed my good ol' VW.**

"**So if you wanted a VW, how did you end up with this, and why would you want a VW when you could actually have **_**this**_**?" **

"**Ugh, well my pop felt horribly guilty because my mom wouldn't let him pay for my college, or any of my expenses. So I worked as a bartender all 4 years and paid for everything myself, my VW included. I loved my car, and I was proud that I had done everything on my own. This car has nothing to offer that out values the character every dent and ding veronica had!" I smiled. "When I graduated, pop insisted on giving me a car as my graduation present, but I refused. However, when my baby finally bit the dust, he jumped on the opportunity and POOF this **_**thing **_**sat in my driveway with a big red shiny bow."**

"**Veronica?" He asked trying not to laugh at me.**

"**YES! That was her name and I loved her so shut it!" I stuck out my tongue at him.**

**He laughed and started to say something but I interrupted. "OH OH OH OH I LOVE THIS SONG!!" I squealed, turned the radio up, and sang along obnoxiously to "downtown train" by Rod Stewart.**

"**Rod Stewart? Bella please tell me you're joking!!" He looked mortified.**

"**No I absolutely am not, I love Rod!" I grabbed the greatest hits CD from under my seat to prove my point.**

**He rolled his eyes, and turned the radio down to where you could barely hear it.**

**I groaned. "You have serious issues with the classics ya know, first Tom Petty and now Rod."**

**He chuckled. "I'll give you Tom, but Rod Stewart is **_**not**_** one of the classics! What would you like for dinner?"**

"**Agreeing to disagree again." I laughed. "I dunno, what did you have in mind."**

"**There's this nice little Italian place I thought you'd like." He offered.**

"**Sounds good." I lied. Growing up in my family, I knew what **_**real **_**Italian food tasted like, and have never found a restaurant that did it right.**

**He gave me the basic directions. The first exit took us almost directly into downtown Nashville, I was instantly a nervous wreck. I'm the worlds worst city driver ever, and I get lost almost every single place I go. This should be interesting. I chucked nervously to myself.**

"**Are you ok?" He eyed me suspiciously.**

"**Umm, yeah I'm fine. I just get a little nervous driving downtown." I gripped the gear shifter a little tighter. He smiled and slid his hand over mine. Yep that's all it took to send me heading straight for a parked car.**

"**BELLA WATCH IT!!" He grabbed for the dash.**

**Oh yeah Bella, smooth. I closed my eyes for a second and took a breath.**

**The restaurant was ok. I have had better, but I've also had much, much worse. We were horribly underdressed just like I had feared. The host had looked at us like we were criminals about to rob the place at any second. Edward handled the situation magically. Even though he stared at his tattoos like they were oozing sores about to infect him, our waiter was quickly won over and the service was amazing.**

**We were almost late getting to the small bar where the band was playing, mostly because we argued in the restaurant for almost a half hour over who was going to drive. He won of course. Damn my stupid reaction to him kissing me.**

**The band was just starting the first song as we got our beer and found a small table. Edward pulled his chair next to mine, and settled in closely with his arm draped over my shoulders. I smiled and nuzzled my head into his arm, his answering smile made my stomach do flips. **

**Thankfully his presence was keeping me clam. This wasn't the typical place me and my friends would have chosen. It was small and kinda run down, but not like my warehouse was run down. This place was dangerous type of run down. I needed to remember to thank Edward for picking out my clothes, my usual bar clothes definitely would not have fit in here with all the torn jeans, black t shirts and multi colored hair.**

"**You look terrified." He chuckled and leaned over to basically yell into my ear over the band.**

**Uh do ya think? "No, no I'm good." I lied. He squeezed my leg lightly and kissed my temple.**

**The band had been playing for about 45 minutes before they took a break. I had to admit, the more they played, the more I liked them. However, Edwards idea of **_**mellow **_**and mine were totally different things.**

"**These guys aren't completely horrible, I'm shocked." I joked.**

"**Told you you'd like them." He winked.**

"**Who are they?"**

"**Hot Water Music. Good, good stuff. Their lead singer, Chuck Ragan is doing more solo stuff now, so this is actually a pretty rare show."**

"**I see." I had no idea who the band or this Chuck person was.**

"**I'm gonna go get us another beer ok?"**

"**Umm, yeah ok." Suddenly I was nervous. I shot a quick glance at the obviously drunk, rather large, heavily tattooed guy who had been staring at me since we walked in.**

**As if on cue, as soon as Edward turned to walk away the big guy stood up and starting walking in my direction. I quickly looked the other way. Please Please PLEASE walk past me. I screamed in my head.**

**A rough voice interrupted my thoughts. "Hi there sweetie." Of course he wouldn't just walk past. I took a deep breath and turned to look up at him.**

"**Uh, hi."**

"**Me and my friends have a table over there" He pointed over a few tables at a group of equally rough looking men, all staring at us. "I was wondering if you wanted to come over and have a drink with us?" He smiled what I assumed was supposed to be an inviting smile, but it came across more as creeper.**

"**Oh, yeah thanks but my…" Crap, would it be ok to lie and call him my boyfriend?!?! "my umm friend just went to get us another beer."**

**I scooted straight up and away from him as he sat down in Edward's chair.**

"**Aww come on sweetie, my name is Rick, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you came and had just one drink." He grinned and placed his hand entirely too high on my thigh.**

"**Well umm…" I was interrupted by a hand caressing the side of my neck.**

"**Actually, I would mind very much." I reached up to squeeze Edwards hand, never being so thankful to hear his voice. Rick stood up to meet his eyes.**

"**Well, **_**actually **_**I don't really give a damn, I was talking to this pretty girl, **_**not **_**you." He glared and reached out to caress my face, I leaned away from his hand, but Edward quickly grabbed his arm before he could touch me.**

**Edwards eyes, were no longer their usual breath taking deep green, maybe it was the dark smoky bar, but they looked almost black. I could see every muscle in his arm bulging as his twisted the guys arm away from me. The creeper tried not to show it, but his face wrinkled in pain.**

"**Two things can happen right now." Edward spoke through his teeth. "One, I can let go of you right now, you can walk back over to your idiot friends, and everyone can go back to enjoying the band." I didn't think it was possible for Edward to look scary, he was always so sweet, rough on the outside, but a big teddy bear on the inside, but I was wrong, right now, he was scary, somehow insanely hot, but definitely scary. "Or two, you can choose to stay, and I can give you several painful reasons why you should have went with option one. You're choice." He tightened his already iron grip on the guy's arm.**

"**Fuck you and you're girl!" Edward let go, and the guy stumbled back to his friends.**

"**Smarter than you look." Edward smiled, sat down next to me and kissed my neck. "Are you ok?"**

"**I'm fine." I pulled his arm into my lap and squeezed it tightly.**

"**Are you sure? I'm sorry I let you alone." He looked me over as if to make sure everything was still in place.**

**I chuckled. "Yes, I'm fine, I love you."**

**He cupped the side of my face with his strong hand, and kissed me. "Good." There was my crooked grin. **

**Maybe it was the grin, or how sexy he was when he was defending me, or maybe it was the kiss, I have no clue, but what I did know, was that we **_**needed**_** to leave.**

"**Are you ready to go?"**

"**What? You're ready to go? The band still has at least 2 more sets, are you sure? I really wanted to see this show."**

**I bit my lip, leaned over, slowly kissed his jaw, down his neck, and back up to find his ear. "Yes I'm **_**positive**_** I'm ready to go, but if you wanna see the band, we can stay." I whispered **

"**OH!" His eyes shot open as he realized exactly why I wanted to go. "No, we can leave, I can see them some other time." He jumped out of his chair. **

**I chuckled. "Good."**

**We had barely made it to the car and driving back to my house when I began slowly teasing his neck and jaw again with slow kisses. He moaned lightly, and tilted his head slightly, welcoming my affection. **

"**Do I need to pull over." He chuckled.**

"**Oh, sorry, I can umm stop." I blushed and started to slide back into the passenger seat.**

"**No, definitely do **_**not**_** stop." He grinned and squeezed my thigh.**

**The 45 minute drive back to Clarksville seemed to take hours. Normally I would have been flipping out at how fast he was driving, but tonight, he couldn't push the car fast enough to make me happy.**

**The car was barely stopped in the driveway before we were out, kissing and feeling our way into my house. He closed the door behind us, pressed me firmly into the wall, sliding my shirt off and taking my breath away with his passionate kisses. I moaned as he effortlessly picked me up, and wrapped my legs around his waste, his lips never leaving my neck. He quickly carried me to my bedroom, gently laid me on the bed, and looked my body over for a minute before joining me.**

**It simply wasn't possible that any other two other people could fit together as perfectly as we did.**


	18. Chapter 18

**--Ok, so this is kind of a boring fluff chapter, but I had to jump ahead. As much as I would love to sit and write out every conversation and intimate moment between Edward and Bella, I'd end up with a few hundred chapters. My idea of Edward for this story is really complex, and very different than the Edward we all know and love, I really wish I could work in more about him. Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying the story, and check back soon, there's gonna be a surprise at the party!! Please review and let me know what you're thinking!! :o)**

A month and a half passed by quicker than I could have ever imagined. Edward and I had fallen into a blissful routine or an amazingly happy couple. His barracks room on post had become pretty much pointless as he hadn't slept a single night there since the first he spent with me. His clothes were in my closet, his guitars in my spare room, we never discussed it, or made it official, but he was living with me. We seemed to have found the perfect balance of time together, and time apart. I had my shopping sprees with Alice, and drinks and dinners with my girls. He had his evenings spent at the tattoo shop, or out with the few guys here that he could tolerate. He had started making music again, well cryptically strumming away at his guitar and mumbling lyrics too low for me to hear most of the time, but still it was nice to see how his eyes lit up with a guitar in his arms.

We weren't one of those annoyingly happy couple who never fought or even slightly disagreed with each other. Lord knows we argued. Actually I'm not sure "argue" is a strong enough word, maybe _battled_ seems a bit more appropriate. My horrible Italian temper always flared too quickly, and his unmoving opinions just fanned the fire. But, somehow even fighting with Edward was different than with anyone else I've ever been with. He didn't scream back at me, he hardly ever even raised his voice at me, and when he did, he apologized quickly. He just didn't give in, his resolve on things I disagreed with was one of the things that frustrated me the most, not even once was I able to convince him to see things my way, it drove me absolutely insane, but I adored it. I loved that he didn't give in to me like men always did. I loved that he had his own opinions and was just as passionate about them as I was about mine.

He had even met my family. My pop had been dying to come visit, so he offered to pay for my mom and sister to come along for a weekend as well. My mom and Leah coming was never a welcome thing for me, but add on the nerves of them meeting Edward had made me dread it even more. I figured I was worrying over nothing, Edward just had this way of winning people over, and I had gotten to be almost not nervous at all before they had arrived. However, after they actually got there, I quickly remembered why I was worried to begin with, and exactly why I couldn't stand my mother or sister. They instantly hated him, my mother especially. I thought she was without a doubt going to have a heart attack the first time she saw Edward step out of my house, no shirt, tattoos blazing, and a huge smile on his face. I had warned him about my mom's strict catholic beliefs, well they were strict when it suited what she wanted anyway. I begged him to be good while she was there, but I knew better, he loved to push people's buttons and drive them out of their comfort zone, and my mother was an easy target. He didn't like the way she spoke down to me, and took advantage, so he tried even harder. Her speeches began almost immediately about his tattoos, and of course our living together. Leah of course went along with anything mom said, she was always terrified mom would slam her wallet closed and for once she'd actually have to support herself. They were driving me insane, but Edward was loving every second. Everything got pushed over the edge during one of mom's drawn out God speeches, I could see delight dancing in Edwards eyes as he informed her that what she was saying really didn't apply to him because he was atheist and didn't believe in God at all. Even I had a hard time swallowing that one the first time he had told me, but my mom…wow! She reacted in one of her over the top drama queen performances, throwing out hail Mary's and all. Edward adored being able to get under her skin like that, I just wanted to die, pretty sure no one's family could be more embarrassing than _that. _Add all of that in with the fact that she thought Jake was the greatest thing to ever grace the world, and had already picked out our wedding invitations, and Edward was pretty much her biggest nightmare.

Pop and Gran were a completely different story. Gran thought Edward was sweet, and treated me the old fashion way that men didn't bother with anymore. She noticed every time he opened my car door or pulled out my chair for me. She told me that we were special, it was something about the way we seemed to revolve around each other, like there was something more always pulling us close. Most of her gushing she did of course in Italian, and it drove Edward crazy that I wouldn't tell him what she was saying. But he adored her just as much as she did him. It could have been mostly due to the amazing Italian meals she made us their entire stay, but none the less, it made my heart swell to see two of the most important people in my life starting to love each other.

Pop, of course, was far less gushy. But his opinion held more weight than anyone else's. He had always been one of the most important people in my life, and pleasing him meant very much to me. He never said much, but it was obvious he never cared much for Jake, and I think that was a big factor that held our relationship back, at least from my side. Pop had pulled me aside one night, and told me Edward was strong and honest, and that he had never seen me so happy and at peace. Pop didn't get emotional, he was like stone. So to say it shocked me would be a huge understatement when he hugged me and said "I never thought it would be possible for you to find a man that I though deserved you, I was wrong. Be happy my Bella." His eyes welled up as I cried into his shirt, nothing could have made me happier.

My life was coming together perfectly. I had found the most amazing man in the world, and I loved him, and now the only people in the world who's opinions I cared about loved him too, well they at least liked him, it was only a matter of time before they loved him.

I knew Edward would be out of the Army soon, his ETS date was only a two months away and his terminal leave he could start any day. In the beginning he had always talked about leaving as soon as he could on leave, going back home, and starting over, but lately, he had been making plans with me for his leave…maybe he wouldn't leave after all. I tried very hard not to get my hopes too high.

--

I sighed and smiled as I stepped out of the shower. Having my family here, well pop and gran at least, was so nice, but it was also nice to get back to normal. I eyed myself in a bit of amazement in the mirror. Everything about me seemed to look different now, I looked lighter…finally happy.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Edward strumming his guitar in the living room.

I smiled as I sat down beside him on the couch. "_You_ are supposed to be getting ready."

He groaned. "Are you sure you wanna waste a perfectly good Saturday night at a boring birthday party. We could have far more fun if we stayed in." He sat his guitar aside, tangled his hand in my hair and kissed me passionately.

I took a deep breath and pulled away, trying to get back to reality. The effect he had on me really was not fair.

"It's not just any birthday party, it's _Jasper's _birthday party. Alice would kill us both if I didn't go. Besides, it's at the warehouse, there's a good band tonight, you'll have fun, and I do actually _want _to go."

He groaned and stood up to place his guitar on the stand, obviously disappointed that he wasn't able to work his usual magic on me. "Go finish getting ready and give me 15 minutes."

Edward was friendly with all my friends, and he genuinely tried to like Jasper. Probably only because he knew they would be forced together because Alice was like my sister. Regardless, he always put on a brave face and did his best to fit in, but you could never stretch the word far enough to call them friends, they really had absolutely nothing in common.

"I love you" I grinned at him.

"I love you too" He said it so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

I was completely frozen in shock. I must have told him I loved him a million times, but he never said it back, I always got "good" or a sweet kiss. Every time he didn't say it, it broke my heart, but I wasn't about to push him into anything, so I refused to bring it up.

There were no words to express how happy I was, I just wrapped my arms around his waste and kissed him lovingly.

He kissed my forehead lightly, and winked before pulling away to get ready.

20 minutes later, we were both dressed, ready and headed out the door.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Traffic had been abnormally light for downtown on a Saturday night so we actually got to the bar early.**_

"_**I'm actually kinda tired, maybe a night in wasn't such a bad idea." I suggested, feeling a little anxious all of the sudden.**_

"_**Oh no way, you dragged me out, we're going in! But we could always get super drunk and crash the party." He raised an eyebrow as he opened the door for me.**_

"_**Hmm, definitely an option." I rolled my eyes and laughed as I stepped inside.**_

"_**BELLA!!!" Alice danced to my side. "Hey Edward, nice of you to dress up for the occasion." She eyed his outfit, disappointed.**_

"_**Hey, it's a new shirt, and **_**it's black. Black is formal right?" He messed her hair. "I'm gonna grab a beer babe, want anything?"**

"**Crown and coke."**

"**Uh oh, liquor, it's gonna be a fun night!" He winked before turning towards the bar.**

**Alice waited until Edward couldn't hear. "Bella, we have to talk!"**

"**What's going on?"**

"**ALICE!! HURRY UP GET OVER HERE!! THE CAKE IS ALL WRONG!!" A voice yelled from the back of the bar.**

"**Damnit, ok Bells, don't go far, we need to talk."**

"**Ok?" I was confused. "I have some big news to tell you too!" I couldn't wait to tell her Edward had finally told me he loved me.**

"**There's the most beautiful girl in the world." Edward smiled as I pushed through the crowd to lean between his legs.**

"**What are you doing up here?? You should go back to the party. Jasper is back there, I'm sure Ron is there too."**

"**I was just getting a beer in, kind of like a pep talk." He joked.**

"**Well, go! I'm gonna say hi to Cath, and go to the restroom and then I'll be back. Love you."**

"**You better." He smiled and kissed me on the forehead.**

**I saw Cath at the other end of the bar laughing with a few people. Telling some crazy story no doubt. I started to make my way towards her, pushing through the swarms of people, it was crazy in there, even more than normal for a Saturday night.**

"**I hope you know, she's probably lying." I stood behind Cath's back, smiling at the people she was talking to.**

**She quickly swung her entire body around, ready to scream at the person interrupting her probably. "BELLA!" When she saw me her eyes popped and she quickly had me in a tight hug! "How long have you been here hun, I didn't see you sneak in."**

"**Not long, we just got here about 10 minutes ago."**

"**Oh Edward's here?"**

"**Of course."**

"**Well where is that hunk? He didn't even come say hi." She looked around before leaning over to the woman standing next to her. "You should see this man Bella has…WOOHOO!! And not the typical boring Abercrombie ad you usually see walking around here either. A real tattooed, heavy beer drinking **_**man**_**!"**

"**I'll tell him you said hello, and send him your way." I rolled my eyes and laughed. Cath was probably my only friend who saw Edward the same way that I did, and she was probably my only friend that he adored. "I better get over there, I wanna see Jasper before everyone is here."**

"**JAAACCOOOBBBBBBBB!!" Half the bar was screaming before I could even turn around.**

**A chill ran up my spine. No, it couldn't be, he wasn't even home, was he?? No, Alice definitely would have told me. I think she would have told me, maybe not. But she definitely would have told me not to come if Jasper had invited him.**

"**Cath…please tell me that isn't who I think it is." I didn't' even have to wait for her reply, the look on her face already gave me my answer.**

"**BELLA!!" Alice was shoving people out of her way to get to me. "Oh my god Bella, I'm so sorry!! I tried to tell you when you got here, he wasn't even supposed to be here until later. I swear I didn't even know he was home until this morning, and I tried to call and tell you tonight, but your stupid phone was off. God I'm so sorry Bella."**

"**Doesn't really matter now does it?" I glared at her and turned around. **

**There he was, laughing and saying hello to everyone. You couldn't miss him, all 6'5" of him. He certainly wasn't any less attractive either, short military cut jet black hair, dark tanned skin, looking even more beautiful against the white button down shirt he wore.**

"**Are you ok Bells." Alice asked softly.**

"**I'm fine Alice, have you seen Edward? I would like to tell him before they just run into each other??" I asked without looking at her. I knew I shouldn't be mad at her, but I was. Of course he was invited, he and Jasper has been best friends pretty much since they were born.**

"**He was in the back with Jasper."**

"**Oh, freakin perfect." I shoved myself through the crowd, desperately trying to make it to the back before Jake did.**

"**Edward!!" I yelled finally finding him.**

"**What's wrong babe." He stood up to meet me, his face concerned.**

"**Look, before anyone else says anything, Jake is…" I was interrupted.**

"**Is that you Bells?" Jake's voice was right behind me. DAMNIT!!**

"**Hey Jake." I sighed, defeated and turned to face him.**

"**I was really hoping you'd be here, I'm sorry about the last time we talked." He smiled sweetly down at me.**

"**Oh yeah, umm don't worry about it." I half smiled back. "This is Edward. Edward this is Jake."**

**Jake's smile faded, he looked to Edward. "Nice to meet you." He didn't put any effort at all into making it sound believable.**

**Edward's eyes never left me. "Can I talk to you outside Bella?"**

"**Umm yeah sure." NO, actually I'd very much like to stay right here!! Edward had never been angry with me before, but there was no doubt about it, he was definitely angry now.**

**Everyone's eyes were on us as Edward lead me through the bar and out the door into the parking lot. **

**He stood completely silent with his back to me for a few minutes, and then took a deep breath before he spoke. "Is **_**that**_** why you insisted on coming here tonight?"**

"**Seriously Edward?!" I knew he had every right to be angry, but to assume that sent my temper flaring.**

"**What do you want me to think Bella? You insist on coming here, even after I asked if we could stay in, and then here POOF is your ex boyfriend."**

"**I didn't even know he was home let alone that he would be here!!"**

"**If you're going to lie to me, I'll leave right fucking now." He started to walk away.**

"**Damnit Edward I'm not lying!!" **

**He stopped. "So you really expect me to believe you weren't the first person Alice called when she found out he was home?!"**

"**No, actually I **_**was**_** the first person she tried to call, but my phone has been off all day remember??" I walked over and touched his arm. "And she tried to tell me again when we first got here, after you walked away, but someone called her over to fix something with Jasper's cake." He looked down at me, his eyes softer now. "Do you think I would have come to find you, to tell you if I had known before hand." I wrapped my arms around his waist.**

"**I'm sorry Bella, I went a little crazy. It just caught me off guard." he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "So did you pluck him straight out of a magazine ad or what?" He laughed.**

"**Shut up!" I tried to hide my smile.**

"**I'm sorry, I guess that's what I expected, but you have to admit, it's a bit over the top with the button down and the brand new pre worn in jeans. I was hoping he was at least a little more original."**

"**He is a nice guy." I poked his side.**

"**Well I guess you'd have to be when you're a freakishly large sheep." He laughed and tugged me back towards the door, I rolled my eyes. **

**Edward couldn't stand unoriginal people who didn't think for themselves. Mindless sheep he called them, always following the latest trend. His disregard for what people thought of him was one of the things I loved the most. **

**We made our way back inside, through the crowd, and back to our table with everyone. Thankfully Jake was on the complete other side of the bar talking to Mark.**

"**Is everything ok." Alice appeared out of no where and whispered in my ear.**

**I sighed. "I hope so."**

"**Really Bella, I'm so sorry. Jasper is too." She hugged me and turned to Edward. "I'm sorry Edward, I didn't know he was coming until right before we left and I tried to call."**

"**Don't worry about it Alice." He winked at her.**

"**Ok good!! Now this is a party, we need to have some fun!!" She dragged me to the dance floor and Edward laughed.**

**Things were going really smoothly. Edward had run into a few guys he knew from work, so he was happy talking to them and drinking. Alice wouldn't let me sit down even once, we had been dancing non stop for 45 minutes. Jake was careful to keep his distance. Maybe this was going to turn out ok after all.**

"**I'm almost completely positive that Alice is trying to kill me!" I panted and collapsed into Edward's lap.**

"**Mmm but baby you have no idea how good you look out there." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my collar bone.**

"**Hmm I think someone is a little drunk." I giggled, he was never one to be much into public affection.**

"**Maybe a little, but that'll just make tonight more fun." He winked and playfully bit my neck.**

"**Hmmm, I can't wait!" I pulled his lips to mine.**

"**You better stop or we'll be slipping out early." He rubbed his hand strongly across my bottom.**

"**Ok, ok, I'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?" I laughed and pulled away.**

"**Uh yeah, another jack and coke please babe. Here let me give you some money. Can you get these guys another beer too?" He motioned towards his friends as he pulled out his wallet.**

"**Oh I suppose so." I playfully rolled my eyes. I had to admit, Edward chose great friends, these guys were really sweet.**

**He handed me $50 and I headed for the bar.**

"**What can I get ya babe?" Mark smiled from behind the bar.**

"**Crown and coke, Jack and coke, 1 miller lite, 2 bud lights, and ummm…a guiness."**

**I had barely finished the drink order when I felt an arm wrap around my waist.**

"**You look great Bells." Jake said into my ear.**

"**Oh…hey Jake." I smiled and wiggled away from his arm. "I didn't expect you to be here, I didn't even know you were home."**

"**Yeah well we just got in last night, I called Jasper. After the way our last conversation ended, I didn't know if I should call you or not." He put his hand on the small of my back to move me over slightly so the guy behind me could get to the bar. It seemed like so long ago that, that small gesture felt like home to me, now it felt horribly awkward.**

"**You could have called. I mean I was hurt and angry the last time we talked. I still care about you Jake, you were my best friend. I miss my friend." I really did miss him. I didn't want to be with him anymore, and I didn't love him in the same way that I once did, but his friendship I definitely missed.**

"**I really screwed things up Bella, I really sorry." He pulled me a little too close.**

**I started to push away subtly but out of no where Edward was beside me. "Need some help carrying the drinks back babe?" He was speaking to me, but glaring at Jake.**

"**What the hell is your problem dude?" Jake stiffened. **

"**My problem, **_**dude**_** is your hand on my girlfriend."**

"**Well your girlfriend happens to still be my friend, and besides, she doesn't seem to have a problem with my hands on her."**

**Edward closes his eyes and took a deep breath. "Bella, baby, maybe we should head home." He spoke through his teeth and pulled me to his side.**

"**Oh my god, are the two of you freaking kidding me." I could have slapped both of them. " No Edward we are not going home. Tonight is Jasper's birthday, he and Alice happen to be 2 of my best friends, so no I will not be leaving. Jake is my friend, and Edward is my boyfriend. Both of you are going to have to deal with those things." I glared at both of them, grabbed my drink and headed back to the party.**

**Edward followed quickly behind me, and grabbed my arm as we reached the table.**

"**Bella I'm sorry, that guy just gets to me. Do you honestly not see what he's doing."**

"**Of course I see what he's doing, but it doesn't matter Edward, in case you haven't noticed, I'm here with you. Jake was my best friend, he's still my best friend. I'm sure seeing you and I together was just as much as a shock to him as us seeing him was to us. I know he's trying to push your buttons, and I'm sorry. But these are my friends, and they happen to be his friends too so if we're going to be together, he's going to be around. And when he realizes he can't compare to you as far as I'm concerned, and starts being just my friend again he'll be around even more."**

"**I'm sorry love." He kissed me and smiled. "I'll be good."**

"**YAY!! EVERYONE COME OVER HERE!! IT"S TIME FOR PRESENTS!!" Alice yelled jumping up and down.**

**By the time Jasper had finished opening his entire table full of presents and everyone had eaten some of the insanely large cake Edward's mood had lightened, and he had returned to drinking and laughing with his friends.**

"**How are things goin?" Jasper put his arm around me.**

"**Well, they're goin." I chuckled.**

"**Jake is bein a bit of an ass, I'm sorry about that. Al tried to call you and let you know he was coming, but she couldn't get you."**

"**Yeah I know, and don't be sorry it's not your fault." I smiled. "I haven't even had a chance to wish you a happy birthday yet…Happy birthday!" I laughed and gave him a hug.**

"**Thanks. If you want me to say something to Jake, I will." Jasper and Jake had been friends since they were little kids, they grew up together, went to school together and joined the army together. Of course that's how I met Jake, after Alice and Jasper got together, Alice decided to play matchmaker. But Jasper had become one of my best friends as well, almost like a brother.**

"**Nah, you don't have to do that. Jake and I have always been friends, and Edward is great, it'll work itself out."**

"**Jazz come, dance with me." Alice interrupted dragging Jasper to the dance floor for the first slow song of the night.**

**I laughed and headed back to our table. I was just sitting down beside Edward and Jake was standing in front of us.**

"**How about a dance Bells?" Jake smiled at me before glaring at Edward. "That is of course unless your **_**boyfriend**_** has issues with you dancing with friends."**

"**Not at all." Edward smiled at him, but every muscle in his arm was bulging from the grip he had on his bottle.**

"**Are you sure?" I eyed Edward cautiously.**

**He smiled and leaned over to kiss my forehead. "Of course babe, go on."**

**Jake rolled his eyes as I stood up, obviously not getting the reaction out of Edward he was looking for, but I wasn't fooled. Jake didn't know him well enough to notice how dark his eyes were.**

**I walked quickly to the dance floor, I just wanted to get this over with, and then Edward and I would leave, he was being amazing, and I didn't want to push it too far. I glanced back at Edward as Jake wrapped his arms around me, he had just taken another shot, but his eyes never left me.**

"**What the hell are you doing with that guy Bells?" Jake broke my concentration.**

"**What do you mean Jake?"**

"**Come on, you mean to tell me you really like that guy?"**

"**No, I don't like him, I love him." I threw back at him.**

"**Oh give me a break Bella." He rolled his eyes. "Look at that guy, that's not who you belong with. He's a joke, someone you get drunk and sleep with and regret the next morning. You and I, we were the real deal. If you didn't have such issues with marriage, what happened would have never happened, and we'd still be together." He pulled me closer.**

"**Oh here, we go, it's my fault again." I glared at him. "You left me Jake, whether I wanted to get married or not doesn't matter. You left. I'm with Edward, and that's exactly where I wanna be, I'd love for us to be friends, but nothing more."**

"**Calm down Bells, you're right, I screwed up. But I'm back now, and I still love you, you know that." He leaned his face to mine.**

**I started to push away, my eyes searching for Edward, praying for a miracle and that he wasn't watching. He wasn't at the table. Where the hell did he go?**

**My question was quickly answered by Jake flying half way across the room. I froze completely in shock. I could do nothing but stare as I watched Edward on top of him hitting him over and over. Everyone in the bar was running over to try to pull them apart, but I couldn't make my feet move. Tears were streaming down my face, I couldn't even see Jake anymore, there was just blood everywhere. Everyone around me was screaming, but I could barely hear anything.**

**Finally Ron pushed his way through the crowd and threw Edward off of Jake.**

"**DAMNIT BELLA!!" I was snapped back to reality by Edward screaming at me. "There you go, you pushed so fucking hard, you wanted to know about my past, wanted to know why I didn't talk about it, well there you fucking have it! That is my past." He jabbed a finger in Jake's direction. "That is what I don't talk about, THAT is what I have worked so hard to get past. THAT is what you managed to bring back in one fucking night!" I couldn't even recognize the man standing in front of me screaming. He wasn't my Edward, his eyes were black glaring at me like he hated me. His hands, and shirt were covered in Jake's blood. It was like a horrible nightmare.**

"**BELLA GET HIM THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!" Ron yelled at me trying to sit Jake up.**

**I reached out for Edward, still unable to speak.**

"**Don't fucking touch me." He spat at me before hurrying out of the bar.**

"**Edward, wait!" I yelled after him. He didn't even slow down. **

**He was getting into his jeep when I got outside. "Damnit Edward stop!" I yelled desperately.**

**He climbed back out of the jeep and walked halfway to where I was standing. "What do you want Bella."**

"**What the hell is wrong with you?" I screamed.**

"**What's wrong with me?" He shook his head and laughed before he turned to walk back to his jeep.**

"**Where are you going?!"**

**He turned again. "I'm going back to my barracks room, and I'm going to pack. My terminal leave starts in 2 days, then I'm going back to Maryland, and I'm getting on with my real life. I've given up job offers, I've blown off my friends, I've given up my whole life to stay here and play house with you, I can't do it anymore."**

"**All your stuff is at my house." I was grasping at anything to get him to stay.**

"**There's nothing there I can't live without." He looked at me coldly.**

**My heart fell. "What about me?"**

"**Well Bella, you're gonna go back inside, to all your **_**great **_**friends, and you'll probably help clean **_**your**_** Jake up, and then maybe the two of you can ride off into the sun set happily ever after."**

"**I don't want him, DAMNIT Edward I want you!!" I yelled in desperation. **

"**No you don't, you want a temporary escape. Let's cut the shit Bella, I don't fit into your world. You think I don't notice the way your friends look down their nose at me, hell, the way **_**you**_** look at me?? It's ok though, I'll be the bad guy, and one day you and all your high and mighty friends can look back and laugh about that dirty tattooed guy you went slumming with so Jake would realize how bad he fucked up."**

"**That's not true." I choked out through my sobs. "I love you Edward."**

"**Take a look inside there Bella," he waved his hand towards the bar. "there was one person who didn't fit in tonight, and it sure the fuck wasn't Jake. And the truth is, if you came to Maryland, it'd be the same story, you wouldn't fit in with your $200 jeans and shiny car. We're totally different people who live totally different lives. My friends, they're real people. They worry about how they're gonna pay their bills next month, and they're not polished, but they're good people, you wouldn't fit in, but they wouldn't treat you badly, they're genuine loyal people, the kind that you and your friends will never bother to know." He turned around to leave.**

"**FUCK YOU EDWARD CULLEN!!" I screamed. "Let me tell you something about those **_**horrible**_** people in there. When I moved here I didn't know a soul except for my brother. I was broken, and a general mess, but those **_**horrible **_**people took me in, no questions asked. They didn't care about my car or my clothes, they cared about me, and they've never turned their backs, not even once. If they were skeptical about you, it wasn't because of your tattoos, or your stupid band t-shirts, it was because they loved me, and they didn't want to see me get hurt again. I don't know your friends, but I do know mine, and there's no one, absolutely no one in the world better than them." I didn't think it was possible, but my tears were coming even harder now. "You're such a hypocrite you stand here and talk about how they judged you, but what the hell are you doing?? You haven't given even one of them a chance. You think because they wear nice clothes, and bother to have professional jobs, they're less than you. They less original. Well fuck being original, at least they're honest."**

**He took my words in for a minute. "Well then, with such amazing people in your life, you should barely notice I'm gone."**

"**So that's it, you're just going to leave?"**

**He didn't say a word, he just got into his jeep.**

"**Fine, go! All your speeches about loyalty, do you even know what that word means???" I screamed. "You've had two girlfriends in 27 years, and both of them you've turned your back and walked out on. I think you could stand to practice what you preach."**

**With that, he was back out of his jeep and yelling in my face. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!! I didn't walk out on Niki, she cheated on me, she caused me to beat my best and oldest friend half to death!!" He stopped for a minute. "There ya go Bells, that's the rest of the fucking story, I remember walking into the apartment one minute and the next I was being arrested. My best friend spent 3 fucking weeks in the hospital because of what **_**she**_** did! I didn't join the army because I wanted to, or because of some huge sign on bonus, I joined because those were my options, the army or prison." My mouth dropped. "Because she was a whore I lost my best friend and my whole fucking life. As much as I've hated it, as much as I've dreaded putting on the stupid uniform every fucking day for 3 years, it was a blessing because I got to step away. I got to put my head on straight and I promised myself I'd never be that guy again, I'd never let anyone make me that guy again. Tonight, **_**you**_** made me that guy. You were loving every second of that jackass' attention, but it wasn't all your fault, I let it happen. But I'm not sticking around for someone else to ruin my life again. I'm done Bella."**

**I reached out for him, but he pushed me away, shattering my heart. "If you loved me, you couldn't walk away. You said you loved me. Damnit Edward do you love me?"**

**He looked down and sighed. "Not enough."**

**I crumbled to the ground as I watched him drive away. He was really gone. I could hear everyone talking and whispering around me, but I couldn't see anything through my tears.**

"**It's ok Bella baby, just breathe." Ron whispered as he picked me up and carried me inside.**


	20. Chapter 20

Alice wrapped me in a hug the next morning as soon as my eyes opened.

"I can't believe I slept here all night." I looked around the apartment above the bar. "What time is it."

"2." She stroked my hair.

"In the afternoon?!" I sat up.

"Yeah." She chuckled. "You needed to get some rest, it was a bad night."

"Understatement of the decade." I mumbled and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Are you ok honey?" Her face was wrinkled with concern.

"No. But I will be." I tried to smile. "You didn't stay here last night did you?"

"Of course!" She looked shocked that I would even ask. "We all did." She turned to look at the kitchen where Jasper, Tanya, Cath, Mark, and Ron were eating.

"You guys really didn't have to do that." I felt horrible that they had been stuck there because of me.

She rolled her eyes. "You should go take a shower, it'll make you feel better. I went by your house this morning and got you some clothes and all."

"Was it all gone?"

"Was what all gone?" She was confused.

"His stuff…"

"No." She sighed. "it was all still there. Jasper helped me gather up all we could find. We put it out in the garage, you didn't need to go home to that crap."

"You guys really are the best! I love you!" I hugged her tightly.

"Of course we are, and we love you too Bells, he doesn't deserve you, you're going to be fine."

"Shit! How's Jake?" God I hoped he was ok.

"Broken nose, some stitches, and a couple black eyes, nothing I won't heal from." Jake's voice called from the hallway.

"I'm so sorry Jake!" My mouth dropped in horror as I saw his face.

"Looks worse than it really is I promise." He chuckled. "Go get a shower, you smell a little funny." He pinched his nose jokingly.

"Shut up." I laughed, I really did have the best friends in the world. Screw Edward if he couldn't see that.

The next 2 months passed by in a depressed haze. Every day was the same, I'd go to work, I'd fake a smile and be polite. I'd come straight home, take care of Hendrix, make a simple dinner, and then settle in on the couch until it was late enough to justify going to bed. I didn't even drink coffee anymore, obviously going to the coffee shop was out, but I couldn't even open a bag of DD coffee at home without breaking down. I couldn't really listen to much music anymore, both of my favorite bands reminded me too much of Edward. I missed my friends, but on the weekends, everyone hung out at the warehouse, and I definitely wasn't going there. Even taking Hendrix to the lake sent me into a week of nonstop crying. I cried every time I lit a cigarette thinking about how much he hated that habit. Movies were out, I never made it more than 20 minutes into one without comparing the leading man to my Edward, they never measured up. Occasionally horror movies worked, unless the boyfriend swooped in to save the stupid chick who ran up the stairs instead of out the door. I cracked once and called Edward's phone. He didn't answer of course, but hearing his voice on the voicemail message did more than enough damage. I actually took an entire week off work, and didn't move almost at all from my bed. When Edward left, he took my entire life with him, I could barely function like a normal person at all. I tried my best to put on a strong face when everyone was around, I thought I was doing a pretty good job. No one ever mentioned Edward, or the night at the bar, it was just one of those unspoken rules that everyone knew.

--

"RISE AND SHINE BELLA!!"

"Are you guys kidding me?!" I opened one eye to see Alice and Tanya standing over my bed.

"No we are not kidding you, now get up, we're getting you out of this house today!!" Alice bounced out of my room.

"What are you doing here this early?" I rubbed my eyes sleepily as I found my way to my living room.

"Because we're going out." She was straightening my throw pillows and picking up the things on the floor that I hadn't bothered with in weeks. "We're going shopping and then we're burning that hideous t-shirt." She motioned towards Edwards bad religion t-shirt that I had dug out of the boxes in the garage. I had been pretty much living in it since he left.

"What's wrong with the shirt?"

"Well for one, it's his. Second, you've been wearing it for 2 months straight. And third, it's just horrid." She wrinkled her nose.

"I like the shirt, and I don't want to go shopping." I plopped onto the couch beside Hendrix.

"Well I don't believe I ever asked if you wanted to go." She dropped her hands from her hips and sighed. "Look Bells, I've let this go long enough, it's been 2 months. At first I thought you just needed to be sad for a while, to cry it out of your system before you could move on. But you're not moving on, you keeping yourself locked up in this house, you're not living at all. Every time I see you, you look like you've been ran over by a train, you're barely even put together for work. Moping around in his t-shirt isn't bringing him back sweetie." She hesitated, obviously not wanting to over step her bounds. "You're my best friend, and I love you, that's the only reason I'm here and saying this to you. He left Bella, and he hasn't even bothered to call to see if you were ok. He walked out on you, and that sucks so much, and I'm sorry. But do you think he's sitting around crying over you? No, obviously he's not, he's living his life, and you're stuck here living the same day over and over again, and I can't watch it anymore. So I don't care if we have to drag you out kicking and screaming, you _are _leaving this house today." She wiped the tears now steaming down my face.

"I just miss him Alice." I sighed. "It hurts so much, sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe because even that hurts. Every single place I go, he's there. I wake up screaming for him every single night. No matter who's talking to me, I hear his voice." sobs were escaping my throat. "I want to let him go so badly, I just can't bare hurting like this anymore, my entire soul aches for him, but I love him and I don't know how to stop." I pulled my knees to my chest and laid my head on them.

"Oh sweetie." Alice gasped, her and Tanya both hugging me.

"Go get a shower Bella, I promise we'll have fun today." Tanya said sympathetically.

I stood up and took a deep breath, wiping away the tears. No use in arguing anymore, I knew Alice well enough to know she wasn't joking even a little bit about the dragging me out kicking and screaming.


	21. Chapter 21

"I have to admit it guys, I really did actually have a good time today, I'm completely exhausted, but it was nice to be out." I said as I slammed the passenger door shut.

Shopping adventures with Alice were always enough to wear someone down. I must have tried on 100 outfits and 50 pairs of shoes, and she insisted that I buy half of them, the other half, she bought. But being tired was a small price to pay, I actually laughed today. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed for real. My face was actually a little sore from smiling. Here and there someone would say something a certain way that reminded me of him, or a song would be playing in a store and my eyes would tear up, but I just kept reminding myself to breathe, and the pain faded. I could do this, nothing would ever be the same without him, but I _could _do this, I had to.

"You should know better than to doubt me!" Alice smiled and winked. "Seriously though Bells, it's really nice to see you smile again." Alice grabbed my hand and Tanya agreed.

"Yeah, well, it's nice to be smiling again." I squeezed Alice's hand and smiled back at Tanya. "You guys really are the best."

"Well, since you're loving us so much…" Tanya started, shooting Alice a glance in the rear view mirror.

"Uh oh!" This couldn't be good.

"Just hear her out Bella." Alice said.

"Well, we have this friend. His name is Emmett, and he's only been here about a month, he really doesn't know anyone and we were thinking you might really like him." Tanya rushed out, knowing what my answer would already be I'm sure.

"Oh no…Oh god no! Are you guys crazy!! I just came out today for the first time and you seriously think I want to go on a _date_?!" I almost choked on the last word. What the hell is wrong with these people?!

"Well no, not a date, not at first. I mean we could all go out like for dinner tonight. Me and Jasper, Tanya, Emmett and maybe even Jake. You could meet him, just see if you like him, then go from there."

"Definitely not." There was no way I was ready for this.

"Why not? What are you waiting for Bella, he's not coming back." The look on Alice's face screamed that she regretted letting that slip out. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's ok." She was right, he obviously wasn't coming back so exactly what was I waiting for? "I don't know guys, just let me think about it ok?"

"Fair enough." Tanya squeezed my arm.

The rest of the ride home was light, I had missed out on a lot of gossip in 2 months! Jake had a girlfriend for all of 2 weeks, until he slipped up and called her my name one day in an argument. I couldn't help but laugh, even though I did feel a little bad. But I could just see his face all frustrated with the argument and then him throwing his hands in the air "DAMNIT BELLA!" It always drove him crazy how strong willed I was. They were planning an anniversary thing for Mark and Cath at the bar in a couple months, I had a lot of healing to tend to if I was gonna make that one, but I needed to, they were amazing. Jasper and Alice had set a date for their wedding, normally the idea of a brides maid dress would have turned my stomach, but I knew anything Alice picked would be beautiful. Tanya had started dating a new guy, well actually 2 new guys. She was hilarious.

"Really guys, thank you again so much! I really did need this!" I hugged Alice as she stopped the car in my driveway.

"You're welcome!!" They both smiled.

"Do you want us to come in? We could hang out for a while." Alice offered.

"Nah, that's ok. I think I'm going to go inside and clean up a bit, I really haven't done much lately."

"Oh thank god!" Alice gasped and smiled.

"Shut up!"

"Seriously Bells, your house is gross. I love you, but it's gross."

I stuck out my tongue playfully as I closed the passenger side door.

I wrinkled my face in disgust as I closed my front door behind me and looked around my living room. Alice was right, this was pretty gross. How in the hell was I living like this and not realizing it?! Today was like waking up for the first time in 2 months.

--

I threw myself down on the couch after I was finished cleaning, 3 freaking hours later. It made my skin crawl to think I had been living like that. I was ready to just lay on the couch and watch some T.V.

I had just gotten comfortable all wrapped up with my big fuzzy blanket and Hendrix when my door bell rang. I thought about just laying there and pretending I wasn't home, but then remembered that I hadn't pulled my car into the garage.

"Damnit." I grumbled as I pulled myself off the couch and over to the door.

"Hey Bells!" Jake smiled when I opened the door.

"Oh, hi Jake." I was truly shocked to see him, we had only run into each other a few times since the last morning at the bar. "come in."

"You really do look like hell Bells." He looked at me concerned as we both sat on the couch.

"Aww thanks Jake, it's great to see you too. Me? Oh I've been getting by thanks! How about you?" I jokingly kicked him.

He laughed. "You know what I mean, you just don't even look like you."

"Ha! Good thing you didn't get here a couple days ago!" I thought of how I must have looked when Alice and Tanya got here this morning. God knows if it was even half as bad as I felt, they should have run away screaming.

"Things getting any easier?"

"Yes and no. I mean I pretty much know the things I need to avoid now, so I'm not caught off guard by the break downs any more. And Alice and Tanya dragged me out of the house today, it actually helped a lot. I honestly feel a million times better." I smiled.

"Yeah I heard about the little intervention they were planning. Glad it helped. I'm glad you're feeling better, I still don't get what you saw in that guy." He lifted my feet into his lap.

"Ugh Jake don't start please." I groaned.

"I'm not starting anything Bells chill out. I'm just saying." He started rubbing my feet. God if I missed nothing else about the 4 years he and I spent together, I definitely missed that, he had magic hands!!

"mmm that feels amazing Jake." I smiled.

"At least I'm good for something right?" He laughed.

"Ya know, if you had just done that." I motioned to my feet. "the night at the bar, it might have ended totally differently."

"Well shit, now you tell me! And to think I could have saved a few stitches and this lovely scar." He pointed to above his eye where the stitches had been.

"He did kinda kick your ass." I poked his side with my toe.

"He caught me off guard. Had he started with me like a man, he'd have never lived to tell about it."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, sure." I moved my feet, and spun around to lay my head on his chest. "I've missed this Jake, just talking to you, the way we used to be before we ever dated or complicated things."

"I missed you too Bells, and I'm sorry about that night. I really was being an ass, and I deserved to get hit. I'm just sorry you ended up getting hurt." He kissed the top of my head.

"It's not your fault." I squeezed him. "He was going to leave no matter what, that night just happened to be the excuse."

"Maybe. So are you going out to dinner with all of us tonight?"

"I didn't realize it was already set up for everyone to go."

"Yeah, Alice called everyone about a week ago. You should come."

"She wants me to go with a date." I rolled my eyes.

"What?! Who?!"

"I dunno, some Emmett guy." I shrugged.

"Oh god! I wondered why she invited him." He chuckled.

"You know him?"

"Yeah he's one of me and Jasper's new soldiers. He just got to the unit about a month ago. Are you ready to go on a date?" He looked at me doubtfully.

I sighed. "Definitely not. But Alice swears it isn't actually a _date_, everyone will be there and I can just see if I like him blah, blah, blah."

He laughed. "You should go. She's probably right, you need to get out more, start meeting people. He's a good enough guy, plus if he does anything stupid, I'm his boss and I'll make his life hell." he winked.

"It's only been 2 months. Doesn't that seem a little soon?"

"Only took you 3 weeks when I left." He still sounded a little bitter.

"WOW! Below the belt much??" I elbowed him.

"Well, it did!!"

"Actually, technically it took me 5 months and 3 weeks. If I recall correctly it was New Years Day that you suggested we just let things cool off and be friends." I reminded him.

"Yeah yeah yeah, go get dressed. You're coming to dinner." He pushed me up.

"You're _telling_ me I'm going?"

"Yes, it'll be good for you, go get dressed."

"Ugh" I rolled my eyes but got dressed anyway.

The drive to the restaurant was quick. Then again every drive is quick when Jake is driving. I spotted everyone waiting by the door as we pulled up. There was only one person I didn't' recognize, that must be Emmett. I thought. He was a big guy, almost as big as Jake. Shirt black hair. He was wearing an olive green polo and nice jeans.

"Guessing the big one is Emmett?" I asked Jake as he parked.

"Yep, the big one in the green, that's him."

"He's cute." I exaggerated. If I had met this guy 4 months ago, my mouth would probably have been on the ground. He was tall, built, dressed nice, and even from the car I could tell he had a great smile. Now, however, he was incredibly boring, he looked exactly the same as every other guy in this town. Nothing stood out, there was nothing special, he was just blah, painfully _unoriginal_. Jake opened my door and we started over towards everyone.

"BELLA YOU CAME!!" Alice grabbed me in a big hug. "Em, come here this is Bella!" She pushed me slightly forward. Of course she wasn't going to waste any time.

The big guy stepped forward nodded at Jake and then smiled down at me. "Hi Bella, it's nice to meet you, I'm Emmett."


	22. Chapter 22

**~~Ok, so I gotta say I love this chapter but hate it all at the same time. For some reason it was really hard for me to write, and I wrote then deleted it all, and then rewrote it all again about 4 times, so I'm sorry if it's horrible! Also, I wanted to say thanks to the couple of people have reviewed! It's nice to hear you're enjoying it!! And everyone else, please review and let me know what you're thinking!! I think it's about over, probably 1 more chapter, maybe 2. But the last one is gonna be a great one!!**

"Uh hi. Umm it's nice to meet you too." This was such a horrible idea, could I be any more awkward???

"Well, everyone's here so let's go get a table!" Alice smiled, obviously very happy with herself.

Dinner went smoothly enough. Alice of course had everything set up perfectly so that I would have to sit next to Emmett. I didn't mind though, he was a nice enough guy. He seemed to fit easily into our little group, Jasper and Jake obviously liked him. I would have really liked him too if I would have been able to be fair. I was obsessing over small things, like the way he held his fork, and the way it annoyed me when he used the word "fixin", as in; I'm fixin to order another drink. All really stupid things, but I would have found anything wrong with him. The truth is he could have been perfect in every single way and I would have found something, anything. He would never be good enough, he would never be my Edward.

"Alright guys, I've had a blast tonight, but I'm totally exhausted, and I've got a million things to get done tomorrow." I began to stand up, when I realized I didn't drive. "Crap, sorry I forgot Jake. Are you ready to go."

"Actually Bella, Jake must have forgot, he and Jasper have to go on post to do some ummm room inspections." She elbowed Jasper. Oh how I hate her.

"Umm yeah." Jasper smiled apologetically.

"Yeah and I have to take Tanya home which is the complete opposite direction from your house. Emmett, you're going back on post right?"

"Uh yeah." He looked confused.

"Do you think you could take Bella home? She lives right over by gate 3." Alice wouldn't meet my eyes, she knew I was going to kill her.

"Oh, yeah, no problem at all. I mean if you don't mind." Emmett smiled at me.

"I'd really appreciate it thanks." I smiled back. "Guess I'll see you guys later. Alice, you should definitely call me tomorrow!" I glared at her!

"Sure Bells." She still wouldn't really look at me.

Emmett and I made our way out to his car, I gave him basic directions to my house and he took off.

"I'm really sorry you ended up having to take me home."

"No, don't be, really I don't mind at all, it's on the way." He smiled. He really was a sweet guy, I wish I could see him the way Alice wanted me to. "So, Alice told me you're single, that's hard to believe."

"Ummm Yep." Admitting that made my heart ache. "So what kind of music do you like." I quickly changed the subject, sorting through his Cds.

"Rock mainly I guess. I like Nickleback a lot." I laughed remembering the speeches Edward would give every time Nickelback came one the radio _these guys are what's wrong with the music industry, every song sounds exactly the same, so unoriginal blah blah blah._ I couldn't stand the band either, but he was over the top. "Did I say something funny?" He looked confused.

"Oh, no, sorry. I was just thinking…never mind." I shook my head.

He chuckled. "well ok."

"Do you have any tattoos?"

"Nah, I never saw much point in them."

"Oh." He couldn't have been any less like Edward which was exactly what I needed, but I couldn't have been any more disappointed.

"I guess you like them?"

I shrugged. "Yeah I guess so. I think they're kinda beautiful…just like any other artwork."

"Do you have any?"

"Actually, no."

"Is that the one?" He pointed to my house as we were pulling up.

"Yep, that's me." I smiled.

He stopped the car and I reached to open the door.

"Umm, Bella, I was wondering if maybe I could get your number or something before you go?"

Damnit! So close to getting away! I sighed. "You really do seem like a great guy Emmett. And I'm sure I'm an idiot for not wanting to go on a date with you. But I'm just not ready for that yet. I'm sorry."

"Hey, no problem. Ya can't blame a guy for trying though. I look forward to seeing you around." He smiled.

"You too. Have a good night." I waved as I got out of the car.

--

The next morning I woke up refreshed. It was a new day, and I was going to handle it differently! I don't know what snapped into place yesterday but it was definitely something. Things had to change, I didn't exactly know all the adjustments I needed to make, and I didn't know how I was going to make them, but there were two things I was positive of. First, I was still in love with Edward, that wasn't going to change, when I told him that I would love him with all my heart, forever, I meant that. And second, no matter how much I wished he wasn't , he was gone. It seemed like the only answer to getting through this was realizing I had been going about it all the wrong way. I was desperately trying to stop loving Edward, that wasn't going to happen, the effect he had on me had changed me forever, and the truth was I didn't want to stop loving him, so I was just going to have to work around it.

First step, granted, a baby step. I simply couldn't live without coffee any longer, and so I searched through my cupboards until I saw the orange DD bag of coffee. I forced myself to smile remembering the first time I saw his face in the coffee shop.

Second step, his things in the garage had to go. I couldn't take another late night trip down memory lane, sorting through all of it, desperately smelling each piece of clothing hoping that his scent still lingered on something. I decided I would keep the t-shirt I was wearing, this wasn't about letting him go completely, just learning to live with him being gone. The clothes were easy, the goodwill gladly took all of them. The guitars on the other hand, I struggled with those. I didn't want to sell them, hell I had no clue what they were worth to even begin to sell them. I couldn't throw them out, and I definitely couldn't keep them. Finally it occurred to me and I called James. The namesI read to him off the guitars meant nothing to me but he sounded like a little kid on Christmas when I told him if he came to get them, they were his. I'm pretty sure he got to my house in record time, he didn't stay long, just long enough to gush over the guitars, and go on and on about how the rest of the guys were gonna die when they saw them.

Third step, change my bed sheets. I'm fully aware of how gross it is that I didn't do this for 2 months, but I just couldn't do it.

I finished up and plopped on the couch next to Hendrix, very proud of myself for getting through all of that, and even more so for getting through it with crying only a few times. Things didn't feel right though, I felt like I had erased Edward, and that's not what I was going for. Having nothing of his but the old t-shirt I was wearing made me miss him more than before. That's when it hit me, and I remembered my conversation with Emmett on the ride home from the restaurant.

A smile spread across my face as I dialed Alice's number.

"Bella!" She answered excitedly. "How did your ride home go last night?"

I chuckled. "It was fine Alice, he asked for my number and I told him I wasn't ready. He was great about it." I knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Oh." She didn't even try to hide the disappointment.

"It's ok Alice, I'm just not ready. But anyway, what are you and Jasper doing right now?" I asked a bit too excited.

"Umm nothing really, why? What's up?"

"I need you guys to meet me at that parking lot across from the Black Horse Pub."

"What? Why?" She was obviously confused.

I sighed. "Just do it please, it's important."

"Uhh well ok I guess, when do you want us to be there?"

I smiled "Umm like half an hour?"

"Oh wow, ok then let me go so we can get ready to go!"

"Great! Thanks Al!"

"You're welcome! See you soon."

"Bye!"

I quickly hung up the phone, only to slide it right back open to call Jake. We had almost the exact conversation as Alice and I had, he was confused by my random request, but because I have the most amazing friends in the world, he agreed. I bounced off the couch and into my room to get some real clothes on. I picked the red tank top that Edward had picked for me the night we went to Nashville, partly because it reminded me of him, but also because a lower cut tank top was what I would need to be wearing for today.

I drove quickly across town and everyone was outside of their car waiting for me when I pulled into the lot.

"Hey guys!" I called as I swung my car door open.

"Sunday afternoon drinking Bells really?" Jake smiled and looked at the pub across the street.

I laughed. "We're not going to the pub, we're going there." I pointed to the tattoo shop right next to the lot and started walking that way.

"What?! Why the hell would we be going to a tattoo shop?" Alice called after me.

"Are tattoo shops even open on Sunday?" Jasper wondered out loud.

"Apparently so!" I pointed to the lit up open sign hanging in the window before stepping inside.

We stood in the waiting area for a few minutes looking at the designs on the wall. Jake and Jasper seemed pretty comfortable and were chatting happily and browsing through all of the artist's work. Alice on the other hand looked like she was afraid she was going to catch hepatitis at any second.

"What are you thinking Bella?" Alice looked worried.

Before I could answer, a tall guy covered in tattoos walked out to greet us. I wondered which one he was, this was the shop Edward was always hanging out, and he talked about all the guys here a lot.

"Hey! Can I help you guys with something?" He smiled.

"Definitely not." Alice turned for the door.

I grabbed her arm and rolled my eyes. "Actually, I was hoping to get some work done."

"Fantastic! I don't have any appointments for a couple hours so I can work you in."

"Great!" I smiled huge.

"Ok, just let me go get my stuff and we'll sit down and draw something up." He walked to the back.

"_You _are getting a tattoo?" Jake grinned.

"That's the plan." I smiled back

"Oh this I've gotta see. The girl who cries when she stubs her toe, this is gonna be great." He and Jasper both laughed.

"Bella, seriously?" Alice was annoyed.

"It's fine Al, it's just something I need to do ok?"

She half smiled. "Ok, you're the one who's gonna be stuck with it when you're 60!"

"Ready when you are." the guy sat down at a small desk.

"Ok." I made my way over to sit across from him.

"I'm Jimmy by the way." He smiled. "So what were you thinking about getting?"

I remembered Edward talking about him now that I knew his name. He said he was good, and he was actually the one who had done most of the work he got done here.

"Well, I want 2 nautical stars…the real 8 point ones, not the 3D stars that everyone gets and calls it a nautical star." I smiled. "I want one on each side." I pointed to the space between my collar bone and breasts. "Just basically lined up with the outside of my collar bone, and then between them I want it to say _endure & overcome_ in a fancy type script."

He spouted off some sort of technical tattoo terms and I just looked at him confused.

"I have no idea what that means." I said embarrassed. "this is the first tattoo."

"Oh." he chuckled. "I wouldn't have guessed that." He smiled and then explained how he was planning to draw everything up. We agreed that it should all be done in just black and grey. "Ok, just give me a few minutes to draw this up. There's some water and stuff over there, you guys can help your self." He pointed to a small stand with a coffee pot, some bottled water and a few snacks that Jake was already helping himself to.

"Ok great." I sighed, finally getting a bit nervous.

"Coming to your senses yet?" Alice grinned as I walked back to my friends.

"Shut up." I stuck my tongue out at her.

We waited for about 15 minutes, but it felt like hours before Jimmy stood up and walked over.

"Ok here it is on carbon, what do you think?" He showed me what he had drawn up and transferred.

"Looks good!" I smiled nervously.

He chuckled. "Good deal, go and have a seat in the first room and I'll be there in a sec."

"Want me to hold your hand?" Jake laughed.

"Please?" I smiled.

Jake and I both walked back, I sat down in the chair. Jimmy came in after a few minutes. After he opened the needles, and got everything set up he scooted over to me.

"Ok, I'm just going to put the needle to you once without any ink, just so you can see what it feels like ok?" He smiled. He was enjoying this WAY too much!

"It's going to hurt a lot isn't it?" I squeezed Jake's hand.

"It only hurts if you think it does sweetie." Jimmy winked.

I let out a big breath. "Ok, I'm ready."

The sound of the gun was horrible, but I was shocked that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I was expecting when he gave me the test poke.

"See that wasn't so bad." Jimmy laughed.

"No, I think I'm good."

He turned back around to get things all ready.

"You're sure about this Bells?" Jake asked.

I just nodded and Jimmy got to work. The test poke was a joke, the real thing felt nothing like the freaking test poke. Jake's hand had to be hurting, I was squeezing it for all I had.

Jimmy had been working for about 45 minutes when he finally stopped.

"Ok, I could use a smoke break, how about you?" He grinned.

"Oh god yes!" I almost shot out of the chair.

He laughed. "Yeah, this is definitely your first tat."

"I'm not sure how you ever thought otherwise." I definitely didn't look like the typical tattoo shop patron.

"Well if I had really looked you over, I probably wouldn't have, but this…" he pointed to my half done tattoo "isn't the typical first tattoo, but that's a good thing." He smiled.

We all made our way outside, Jimmy and I smoked, everyone else looked over the art being created on my chest, and chatted. About 10 minutes later we were ready to go get started again.

"Can we switch sides, I'm just starting to get feeling back in my hand." Jake laughed.

"Yeah, actually that'll work." Jimmy scooted his chair to my left side, before turning the gun back on and getting back to work.

The pain was a little less this time, I guess I had gotten used to it, but I my hand was still starting to turn white from squeezing Jake so hard.

"So how'd you hear about our shop?" Jimmy tried to make conversation to take my mind off the pain.

"Umm actually I know someone who used to come in here a good bit."

"Oh yeah?" He sounded shocked. "Who?"

I hesitated for a minute, not wanting to say his name. "Umm, Edward Cullen." His name actually coming out of my mouth hurt far more than the tattoo.

"Oh no shit!" Jimmy smiled huge. "Ed is a great guy, I did most of his work he had done here. We actually had him all set up to do an apprenticeship, but he stopped in one day and backed out, said he decided to go home or something. We were all kinda shocked, we were looking forward to working with him, his portfolio was pretty good."

"Yeah he left pretty quick." I said softly, trying my best to hold it in, but a tear slipped out, thank god there was a needle going in and out of my skin a few hundred times, I'm sure Jimmy assumed that's what it was from. But Jake knew better, he swiftly wiped the tear away and gave me a soft smile. He really was an amazing friend.

I was quiet for the remainder of the tattoo, afraid that Edward would come up again. Thankfully it only took about another half hour before it was done.

"Ok, there it is, take a look." He scooted away and motioned towards the door length mirror.

"It's perfect!" I gasped as I ran my finger over the edge of my new tattoo. The nautical stars were for me, no one needed protection and guidance more than I did. The rest was all for Edward. Just the fact that I now had a tattoo was kind of an ode to him. The words, _endure & overcome_ I took from one of my favorite Against Me songs, the only band we ever agreed on. And endure and overcome was exactly what I needed to start doing. Now, even if I had to live without him, every day, I could look down and have him with me. I can do this. I smiled and thought to myself.

I bounced out to where Jasper and Alice were waiting.

"Check it out!" I squealed.

"Awesome!" Jasper put his arm around me. "Did it hurt?"

"Like hell!" I winced thinking about it.

"GOOD!" Alice laughed. "I gotta admit, it is actually kinda pretty."

"I gotta get goin Bells. I promised one of my guys I'd help him do some work on his car this afternoon." Jake hugged me.

"Ok, thanks so much for being there Jake." I squeezed him back "You guys ready?" I turned to Alice and Jasper.

"Yeah." They both nodded.

I paid and thanked Jimmy, and we all walked back out to the parking lot together.

"Ok, I'll see you guys later." I waved to Jake and Jasper. "See you in the morning Alice." I smiled before I got into my car.

I just sat there with the car running for a minute. Thinking, mostly about Edward, how much I missed him, how much I loved him. I wondered if he missed me at all, but quickly stopped that, determined not to have anymore breakdowns. I was going to get on with my life. With that that thought I smiled and pulled out to go home.


	23. Chapter 23

Two months passed by easily. It's crazy looking back and seeing how quickly everything can change. I never looked back after the day I left the tattoo shop. I was on a mission to do things differently and to change my life and that is exactly what I had done. I still missed Edward, every single day I missed him. When I closed my eyes I still saw his face. I still hurt, but I learned to embrace that, I learned to use that hurt to fuel myself into becoming a better person. Instead of that hurt driving me into my bed, it drove me out of the house to do new things. Every morning I looked at my tattoo, it didn't just remind me of Edward, it reminded me of what he had done, I made a conscious effort to remember the empty shell of a person he had turned me in to. I had to remember it, forgetting your past is the easiest way to repeat it. Most people didn't understand how I could not hate Edward for what he had done. They didn't understand why tears still filled my eyes if I talked about him too much, everyone thought I should hate him. Maybe I did, I don't even know if that's possible, to love someone and hate them all at the same time. I thought a lot about what I would do if he ever came back, I really had no idea. Some days I thought I'd scream at him, and tell him to go to hell, other days I thought I'd cry and beg him to never leave again.

I think the biggest reason I could never hate Edward is because of the gift he gave me. One of the things that amazed me the most about him was the way he just simply did stuff. I never realized how boring of a person I was until he came into my life. My idea of a hobby was taking Hendrix to the park or having a beer with my friends. I hadn't been many places or done much of anything. Edward on the other hand, had more "hobbies" than I thought possible. He sky dived, wrote, and played music, did tattooing, snow boarded, worked on cars, you name it and he's tried it at least once, and if he hadn't he would. I just thought that was him and I was just different but I always envied that about him and wished I could be more like that. No more just wishing, I made it a point to be more like that. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't to the point of jumping out of perfectly good air planes, but I did learn to play guitar, I played really REALLY horribly but I still played. Art was what I took to the most, I spent a lot of my free time with a brush in my hands. How much Edward was still a part of my life was never more obvious than when I painted. Most every piece I did had him in it, usually his eyes, or at least the color of them. Some days I felt like I was losing him, the picture of him I had in my head was becoming blurrier and blurrier, everything except for his amazing eyes, they always stood out, the way they could pierce right through you.

I had quit my job at the bank. God I hated that job, everyday getting out of the bed was a chore, I don't know why but for some reason I always thought that's what it was supposed to be like. Edward showed me that you could just enjoy life, and to hell with what everyone else thought. So one day I just walked in and told my boss to go to hell. I had been doing CPA work for people from home on the side for a while, and the income from that was almost as much as from the bank anyway so, when I quit and took on more private clients and was actually making more money. I had a freedom that I never thought was possible, and I owed it all to Edward, how could I ever hate him?

I wasn't over Edward, not by a long shot. I wasn't sure I could ever be over him, but my head was well above water, and I was reasonably happy.

--

I was just finishing my make-up when I heard someone knocking on my door.

"Bella!" Alice hugged me when I opened the door.

"Oh hey guys." I was shocked to see her and Jasper. "I thought we were meeting at the bar?"

Tonight was Mark and Cath's anniversary party. I still hadn't been back to the bar since Edward left, but I had to be there for them, they had done so much for me. I knew it would hurt, but I was pretty sure I was ready to go back.

"Yeah I know, but we had to stop in on post so I figured we'd just come over, and you could ride with us." Something didn't seem right with Alice.

"Everything's ok?"

"Yeah, everything is fine." Jasper smiled.

"Umm ok, well I'm almost ready, I'll only be a few more minutes. There's beer in the fridge if you want."

"Sounds good." Jasper made his way to the kitchen and Alice sat on the couch.

It didn't take me long to finish getting ready. Alice seemed in a rush so we left pretty quickly. I couldn't put my finger on it but something was definitely off, Alice didn't talk almost the entire way to the bar, definitely out of character.

Jasper looked back at me cautiously as we pulled into the bar. "You ready to do this kiddo?" He smiled.

I smiled back. "Ya know, actually I am." I couldn't wait to see Cath and Mark, I felt horrible that I hadn't seen them since Edward left, but I just had to get myself put back together before I could come back there, I knew they would understand.

The bar was insane, I had never seen so many people there! It took us almost 20 minutes to make our way to the bar, between saying hello to people I hadn't seen in ages, and just trying to cut through the crowd.

I couldn't believe it, it was their anniversary party and Mark was behind the bar.

"What the hell are you doing?! It's supposed to be your night and you're working!" I smiled.

"Yeah well you know how it is, if you want something done right…" Mark winked. "How have you been girl? Everyone was pretty worried about you there for a while."

"I know, I should have called. But I'm good. Probably better than I started out actually."

"Glad to hear it babe. Cath will be out in a little while, she's working out the stage order with the bands."

"Cool. So who all do you have playing tonight?" I figured James and the guys would be playing, but I had heard that there were quite a few bands for the party.

"Well, of course the jones project, a few other bands out of Nashville." He hesitated and shot Alice a look. Weird, I thought. "And then just a couple people doing a short set." He smiled. "So what are you drinking tonight?"

"Umm just a blue moon." I said confused, trying to figure out what was going on that I didn't know about.

Alice leaned over the bar and whispered something in Mark's ear, they were definitely keeping something from me.

My concentration was broken by some sort of a shuffle behind me, I quickly glanced over my shoulder and laughed at a few guys play wrestling. Wait what the hell, I looked back quickly. I turned completely around on my stool, and closed my eyes, making sure I wasn't dreaming. It couldn't be. I slowly opened my eyes, he was still there. In a room filled with a few hundred people my eyes found him so quickly. He was still perfect, even more so than I remembered if that was even possible. My heart fell to the floor as his eyes shot up catching mine. I turned back around quickly. Breathe Bella, you just have to breathe. You're ok, you can handle this. You've done so much work to get you here, you're strong enough to do this. I was desperately trying to convince myself.

Ok no, I definitely can not do this! I grabbed Alice and Jasper. "We have to go! Right now, we have to go!"

"Whoa chill out Bells, what's up?"

"Edward is here, we have to go. I can't do this!" The tears were streaming down my face. Everything I had done was for nothing, none of it mattered. Seeing him sent everything unraveling.

"Calm down Bella." Alice grabbed my arm.

"Calm down?!" What the hell was she talking about?? Did she hear what I just said to her. I was in a full out panic attack now.

"We knew he was gonna be here Bells." She admitted softly, not willing to meet my eyes.

"What?" My eyes popped with shock. "Wait, what the hell do you mean you _knew _he was going to be here?!"

"Bella he called me the other week…" Jasper started but I interrupted.

"So you knew he was going to be here, you knew, and you brought me here? You saw everything I went through, you know how far I've come, and you brought me here?" I had almost forgotten that Edward was even there, I couldn't think of anything other than why the hell my best friend in the world would do this to me.

"He begged us Bella, he just wanted to talk to you and he figured you wouldn't hear him out if he just went to the house. I'm sorry." Alice pleaded with me.

"You're sorry?! Well I sure am glad you went out of your way to make things easy for him, I'm really thrilled that my best friend…"

"Bella…" I was interrupted by the most perfect voice, a voice that even now I would have known anywhere. I winced at the sound of it, but slowly turned around.

I couldn't even say anything, I just stood there and stared at him. I almost reached out to touch him, just to make sure he was real. All of the wondering what I would do if he ever came back was finally answered. I wouldn't tell him I loved him, I wouldn't tell him that I hated him, I would just stand here like an idiot and stare at him. Wonderful.

"How have you been?" He had his hands in his pockets and leaned back, like a shy little kid does.

"umm…uh, I'm fine." I stuttered.

"Good." he obviously had no clue what to say any more than I did. "Wow, you got a tattoo, sorry I missed that." He chuckled awkwardly and pointed to his tattoo on my chest.

"Yeah well, I haven't heard anything from you in almost 5 months, you missed a lot of things." Anger was quickly becoming the only thing I felt. Tears were starting in my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away, I would not let him see what he had done.

"Yeah I guess that's true." He looked down.

"What the hell are you doing here Edward. You're here in _my _bar with all _my _horrible friends, that you hated so damn much. And you just come talk to me like you didn't just up and leave 5 months ago, like you didn't break my heart, like nothing ever happened at all!" The words shot out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Bella, I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come here, maybe I shouldn't have done it this way, I'm just sor…"

I interrupted him. "STOP! Just stop, do not tell me you're sorry, just don't do it, because it doesn't matter. I don't need your damn apologies Edward…I can't do this!" I rushed past him heading for the door. I didn't know how I was leaving, Alice and Jasper had driven me. "Great friends." I mumbled to myself, I'm sure me not having my car here was all part of the plan. It didn't matter _someone_ would drive me home. I was all out running by the time I hit the parking lot where I ran into a wall. Well he felt like a wall anyway.

"Whoa Bells slow down." Jake's arms stopped me from falling.

"Oh Jake thank God it's you!" I burst into tears. "Please take me home. Edward's here and I just can't do this."

"I know he's here Bells and I can't take you home." He hugged me.

"What?! You too?!" Of all the people in the world to set me up like this, Jake was the last one I would have expected it from.

"I didn't know until tonight. I wasn't even going to come. You've come so far Bella, and I didn't want to be here to watch him rip it all apart, but I thought you might need a friend."

"I do need you Jake, please take me home." I pleaded through my tears.

He closed his eyes "Baby, I want to take you home, I do so bad. I want to leave right now and I want you to forget this guy, but I'm not going to hurt you again."

"Please Jake, just take me home, and we can start over. Edward doesn't matter, please I love you." I knew it wasn't fair, but I knew Jake still loved me, and I was willing to do anything that would get me away from there.

"Bella if I believed you meant that, if you meant it the way I want you to, we'd go get in my truck right now and never look back. But I know better, you love this guy, as much as I don't understand it and as much as I hate it, I can't deny it."

I sat down on the steps and put my head in my hands. "It doesn't matter Jake, he left me. He broke everything. How can I just go in there and act like none of it ever happened?? I'm all put back together now how am I supposed to let him back in?"

"You don't have to let him back in Bells. I can't tell you how you should handle this, I don't know how you should handle this. What I do know is that you're wrong, you're not all put back together. You're trying like no one I've ever seen try before, and you're doing a damn good job, but if you leave now, you'll always just be covering it up, it's never going to heal." He stopped and let out a heavy sigh. "Even now, you've been so happy for the past couple of months, but I know you better than almost anyone Bella and I see it in your eyes, something you see or something you hear reminds you of him, and the pain is still there. You've got to go back in there and see this through. I hope you'll tell him to go to hell and never come back again, but if you decide to give him another shot, that's ok too. Either way you've got to go in there and give yourself some peace." He pulled me up and into a big hug.

"I just don't know if I can." I whimpered into his chest.

"You can Bella, and I'm right here." He put me down and opened the door.

We found our way over to Alice, Jasper, Mark and Cath quickly, Jake pushing through the crowd was much more effective than me trying to.

"Where's Edward?" I spoke to Cath, not able to bring myself to even look at Alice.

"He's setting up." She pointed to the stage.

"He's playing tonight?"

"Yeah, Jasper set it up, I didn't realize it was going to be him Bella. We can cancel it if you want." Cath offered, her eyes apologetic.

"No, I wanna hear."

The mic made an awful sound as Edward dragged the stand closer to where he was sitting on at stool holding an acoustic guitar.

"Hey so umm." he cleared his throat away from the mic. "I hadn't really been playing or writing much before this song, so bare with me if I'm a little rusty. This is "all that's best in you" a song for Bella." He strummed the strings softly, and the room filled with a soft beautiful sound.

"_You've grown so much, you've come so far.I never thought we'd end up here.I know I have seen this picture reminds me of you when you were you're all I seeSometimes you're all i feel.I wanted to tell you goodbye and know that you're that the pain is gone the love remains.I know all my faults turned out to be so trueI couldn't see all that was best in so hard they broke your you of you're smile that would save the world.A friend I'm owed for a friend I lost.A friend that never left me I don't believeAnd sometimes it's everything.I wanted to tell you I lied and I made mistakesAnd when i failed in life, it was you I blamedAll my faces that you could see right throughI couldn't see all that was best in are my hope when giving in. You are the ink under my skinYou are the day that I await, You are the only chance I'll takeYou are all I am and was before. The things I hate and I adoreMy handful of hope and a little more.I wanted to tell you a tried, to make it with just one letter gone I lost the nameOf that little boy that was smiling back at could see all that is best in you."_The music stopped. "Ok that's it." He smiled nervously.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. That was the most amazing and beautiful song I had ever heard. I wanted so badly to run to him, to kiss and tell him I loved him, that I never stopped loving him, that I didn't even think that was possible. But my head was screaming at me, I had come so far, I couldn't end up back there. He had hurt me too much, I had to let go.

He stepped off the stage and started towards me. I had no idea what I was going to say.

"Edward, I just…" I started before he had even completely stopped in front of me. "I…you hurt me in a way that I can't even explain, and I just can't do this again…"

He placed a finger to my lips. "Bella you're doing this all wrong."

"What?!" I was shocked, and annoyed. What made him think he could come here and tell me how I'm supposed to react.

He sighed. "See, I was supposed to come in here, and tell you I was sorry, and then you were supposed to yell at me and tell me how much you hated me and then I was going to play the song, and you were supposed to realize that I knew how bad I fucked up. And you're supposed to give me another chance, and then I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

"Edward…I just…" I tried speak but he interrupted me.

"Don't tell me to leave Bella please. If you tell me to go, I will. If me leaving right now will make you happy, I'll do it. But please don't tell me to, because, I have no clue how I'm going to do it. I've spent the last 5 months living…" he hesitated and shook his head. "no I wasn't living, I was barely existing without you. I was so angry when I left, I thought it was you, I thought you brought that out of me, but after I got home I knew I could never be angry with you. You are perfect. _I_ lost control that night, and _I_ made a mess of everything. I talked so much about how Jake was a coward for leaving you, but I was the coward. I was terrified of you, the first time you told me you loved me I almost took off right then. But I convinced myself that you were just drunk and you didn't mean it, but the crazy thing was the only thing I wanted, more than I've ever wanted anything was for you to mean it because I loved you too, I love you more than anything, I always have, I was just too much of a coward to say it." He stopped, struggling with his words. "You asked me if I loved you that night and I lied to you, and I'm sorry. I should have held on to you with everything I had, but I was weak. I broke so many promises and I couldn't blame you if you never forgive me. But Bella please forgive me." He pleaded. "I have missed you every second that I've been gone, and I've wanted to come back since the day I left." A tear slipped from his eye. "But I figured the damage had been done and you would just be better off if I stayed away. I tried to stay away, I swear I did, but I couldn't. I couldn't have lasted one more day without seeing your face, and telling you I was sorry, and that I love you. If you hate me I understand. And if you never want to see me again, if me never coming back is what you need to be ok, then I'll leave…"

I threw my arms around him. "Don't leave, please, don't ever leave. I love you, don't leave." I held onto him like my life depended on it…my life did depend on it. "I love you so much."

"I love you too baby, con tutto mio cuore, per sempre." I couldn't help but chuckle through my tears, his attempt at Italian was horrible. "I got you something." He wiped away my tears before reaching into his pocket.

He pulled out a small black velvet box, everyone around us gasped, Alice grabbed my arm and squealed. My mouth dropped. If he wanted to send me running for the hills, an engagement ring was a sure bet. He should have known better. I had just gotten him back but my eyes were searching the room for an escape.

"Relax Bella, I'm not dropping down on one knee, not yet." he laughed, as he opened the box to a show me a small white gold diamond ring. "This is just a promise. A promise that I'll never run again. I will be here to catch you for as long as you want me to be. I'm going to be there every morning when you wake up, and you're going to fall asleep in my arms every night, for as long as you'll have me, I'm here. It's a promise that I'll love you, with all my heart, forever."

He slipped the small ring on my finger, pulled my lips to his and we started blissfully into our forever.

**Ok everyone that's it!! I loved writing this, it felt amazing to write something again even if it wasn't my best!! Hope everyone enjoyed it!! I gotta say, I love this Edward. I'm thinking of doing a sort of continuance of the story, but from Edward's POV…hmm I dunno maybe. The song I used in this chapter is not mine, it's by and AMAZING band "One Less Reason"…their music is wonderful, here is a link to a you tube video of the song if you'd like to hear it… .com/watch?v=ehf5O9M76rE **

**I also wanted to say thanks for the sweet reviews the story received, they really do mean a lot and keep me writing! Thanks!**


End file.
